


Coincide

by Anonymous



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Adulthood, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, Loss, M/M, Minor Kid Blink/Mush Meyers, Modern Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Sickfic, Slow Burn, Swearing, because idk how else to tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-04-27 23:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14436558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Race has a good life.Amazing friends and family, graduation just within reach, the past few years have been treating him well.That is, until one night changes everything and Race finds himself spinning in ways his dancing never could.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to [seaofolives](http://seaofolives.tumblr.com) for beta-ing!!
> 
> Also a name pops up here; Andrea, which is pronounced Ahn-dre-ah

The summer evening was cast in the glow of fireflies, bouncing around a small campfire where two friends sat, chatting the night away.

“Man, senior year. Can you believe it?” Race took a sip from his drink and tugged his hood over his head. 

Mush laughed, mimicking Race’s movements. “No. Never thought we’d get to this point. But I’m ready to move on. Bigger, better things await us.”

“Always the optimist,” Race smiled, a lightness in his heart.

“You know me.” Mush added a wink at the end and Race threw his head back in laughter.

“Sure do.”

Sometimes, Race couldn’t believe how much time had passed. It felt like only yesterday that he had met Mush, the two becoming instant friends and forming a closeness that kept them inseparable. Now, with the end of their college career, a part of Race just wanted to turn the clock back. There were moments not savored enough, regrets still heavy on the mind. 

Shaking his head, Race smiled at Mush, the two sharing a knowing glance before they toasted their drinks to each other.

As the evening wore on, the conversation drifted off and Race took to studying the flames as Mush leaned back, gazing at the stars. The silence was a comfortable change, Race mulling over all that had happened until this point in his life.

“Mush, I gotta say, thanks for everything. For putting up with all the bullshit I’ve put you through.”

“It’s never been putting up, Race. You’re my best friend. After Andrea…” Mush trailed off, swallowing before he started again. “We all coped in our own ways. We can’t blame each other there.” 

Sinking in his chair, Race stared into the flickers of orange and red. “I guess...I just…” he stumbled as his thoughts turned dark. 

If he hadn’t stayed at school so late or if he hadn’t been so testy with his brother that morning, maybe he wouldn’t be stuck with the guilt that consumed him. Race’s mind swarmed with what if’s but it was too late for that. He couldn’t change the past and that, more than anything else, hurt him the most. It chipped away at him every day, reminding him of his mistakes, his mark on everyone’s lives.

“Hey, Race,” Mush reached out, his fingers brushing on Race’s wrist. 

Glancing down, Race swallowed as familiar needs grew inside of him. “Can I…?”

“Course,” Mush said, just above a whisper, holding his hand palm up. “You know you don’t need to ask anymore.”

“Still,” Race shrugged before lacing his and Mush’s hands together. “You and Blink.”

Mush nodded, his thumb running along the back of Race’s hand. “He understands. I mean, I explained it all to him when we first started dating and he was cool with it right away.”

“Does he know we fell in love with each other?” Race joked, taking another sip of his drink. 

“Yeah,” Mush sighed, eyes turned up at the sky. “Star-crossed lovers, never meant to be.”

The two laughed at this, shaking their heads. Feelings shoved to the side, fading in and out at different times, in another life, Race and Mush were happy together. Now, Race was just content that they could be as they were. 

Blink really was someone special. As first introductions went, Race was thrilled that he clicked with Blink and from then on, Race had been there, cheering Blink and Mush on as the relationship developed. Wedding bells were in the future and Race couldn’t wait to be best man to Mush. Or Blink. Whoever had won that rock, paper, scissors fight.

“Well, Mush,” Race sighed, grounding himself in Mush’s warmth. “Probably should head in for the night, huh? We’ve been out here for hours.”

“I suppose,” Mush smiled, squeezing Race’s hand before grabbing a bucket of water. 

With the fire extinguished, Race watched the last of the smoke trails float into the night, weaving his worries in the fading grey. For now, he just needed to take it slow, be patient with himself. Change wasn’t going to happen overnight and Race had learned the hard way.

Mush’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and Race leaned into him, the two sharing another smile before heading into the house, the chirping of crickets accompanying them every step of the way. 

~

“You’re so lucky you don’t need an internship,” Mush groaned as he fell onto Race’s bed. 

With the summer nearly over, the two friends were frantically preparing for the incoming semester, Race planning out the details of his dance final as Mush played the waiting game for his nursing internship. 

“Still no word?” Race turned from his notes, watching Mush press his face into the pillows. 

Mush’s reply was muffled and Race hopped up from his chair, landing on his bed next to Mush. 

“Talk to me, buddy.”

Lifting his head from the pillows, Mush stretched, a small groan leaving him. “They’re just taking forever. I know I’m in but I don’t know which hospital.”

Race smiled at Mush, poking at the crease of worry on Mush’s forehead. “I like your confidence. Let’s keep that up.”

Grinning, Mush hugged a pillow close to him and sighed. Race could see the tension in his shoulders, his eyes drifting away. Mush was forever the worrier and Race rested his head against the wall.

“Have you talked to Blink at all?”

Eyebrows raised, Mush shrugged. “He’s busy at the mechanic shop. I don’t want to bother him with too much.”

Race pursed his lips, nodding away his hint of frustration. With Blink hours away, living in the same city where their university was, Mush and Blink didn’t get to see each other often during the summer. Race could see the building tension and it was taking a toll on his own well-being. He cared for both dearly, but with Mush unable to outpour his love and concerns to Blink, Race was tempted to just drive Mush out to Blink himself. 

“What about you? Your dance final?” Mush’s voice interrupted Race’s thoughts.

“I’ve got something,” Race looked over his hand. “I’ve got until next May so I’m not worried. Yet.”

Mush laughed then, rolling onto his back. “Famous last words.”

“Shush you,” Race shoved Mush playfully. 

He’d learn how to manage his time this year. He had three years of practice after all and Race was determined. 

It was time to give it his all, make everyone proud. There were going to be no distractions now, nothing to take him away from his dreams. He had promised his brother after all. 

Mush’s eyebrows raised as if he had read Race’s mind and Race only smiled in return.

“We’re gonna be just fine, Mush.”

~

The last leg of his trip was killing him. 

Music over-listened to, daydreams hardly a distraction at all, Race honestly thought he wasn’t going to reach the university. Sure, he had chosen it for the program, not caring about the distance, but now with an hour left to go in his car, he cursed to himself. 

Why, why, why echoed in his mind as the road remained flat and endless before him. If it kept going like this, Race wouldn’t have much to distract himself and that thought alone was starting to terrify him.

To his relief, his phone rang then and he brought the call up on the car’s speakers, grinning at the name on his dashboard screen. 

“What’s the good news, Mush?” Race asked, the gears in his mind whirling away. 

“We’re bored,” Mush sighed on his end, accompanied with the sound of static. That or Blink getting caught in bubble wrap. “When are you getting here? The freshmen are starting to pour in.”

Race laughed a little, wondering how many new students he’d have to fight for his parking spot. Of course, he was used to it by now. Race was sure his last year had no more curveballs to throw at him.

“Oh, and Blink’s getting hungry too,” Mush added as Blink swore in the background. 

“You guys go on and eat without me,” Race waved to no one. “I still got a while to go.”

Mush made a small noise and Race could already see the pout on his face. “We’re not gonna do that, Race. Even if I got to see you every day this summer, we hardly got a chance to be the three of us. I’ll just make Blink a PB&J to tide him over.”

Race smiled then, already seeing Blink’s expression of contorted confusion and anger. “You’re amazing, Mush,” Race complimented.

“Thanks, honey,” Mush responded almost immediately and Race couldn’t help laugh at Blink’s small protest of, “Hey…,” cutting through.

“I’m ‘honey’, Blink. You’re ‘babe’, remember?” Race teased and Blink’s laugh rang loud through his car speakers. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Blink hollered very close to Mush’s phone, making Race wince at the sudden sharpness. “Turn down your radio, you’re going to ruin your hearing.”

Race rolled his eyes, but did as Blink said, then realizing his volume was maybe just a bit too high. “Okay, Dad.”

“I’m your weird uncle at best,” Blink shot back, but the rest of his commentary was lost to the commotion of what Race assumed was Mush grabbing his phone back.

“Okay, you gotta focus on driving. We’ll see you when we see you, okay, Race?” 

“Catch you later,” Race nodded his goodbye, ending the call as he stared at the blue sky without a cloud in sight. 

Never in all his years did he imagine he’d feel like this. Even with the looming schoolwork, the unknown after graduation, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than where he was. He was content, coming to terms with the past bit by bit. Had his younger self known what awaited him, Race knew he wouldn’t have spiraled as he did. 

Life had done its worst, but Race wasn’t as angry anymore. Instead, he settled into the memories that remained, repeating forgotten promises to himself as the road stretched ahead. 

Whatever was headed his way, Race was more than prepared, ready for his hardened emotions to leave him for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey uh idk where to start with this??? it's an idea i've been working on for months now and i just got impatient, so i'm sharing it all with you now haha
> 
> this won't ever go on hiatus so be prepared for bi-weekly updates until the finish
> 
> also i suck at tagging so if there's anything you think i should tag, pls let me know!!
> 
> [Tumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senior year begins

“Race, I got my intern placement!”

Mush bursted in Race’s dorm room, waving his phone. Tugging his headphones down, Race beamed at Mush as he freed himself from his own mess of electronics, almost tripping over his extension cord as he rushed to hug him.

“Mush! Congrats, man!” 

“They were just swamped, they meant to get back to all of us sooner but, anyway...they put me at the hospital just down the road! Riverside!” Mush excitedly explained as Blink then crashed into Race’s room, leaping onto the two of them.

“Isn’t it great?” Blink beamed at Mush as the two met each other’s gazes.

“Mm, fantastic,” Race was quick to interrupt lest they start making out then and there in his room. “Part-time or…?”

Turning slowly from Blink, Mush shook himself back to reality and smiled at Race. “Yeah, part-time. They’re working around my classes surprisingly.”

“Oh, yeah, Mush’ll be moving in with me too,” Blink added, an arm wrapping around Mush’s waist.

Race stared at Blink, wondering when he got so behind on his friends’ business. “You live kinda far from the hospital. How’s Mush going to get there?”

Mush shrugged, unbothered by this detail. It didn’t slide so easily under Race and he bit down on his tongue, wanting to remind the two that Mush didn’t even have his permit.

“I’ll take the bus.”

“The bus doesn’t go that far out,” Race retaliated, frowning a little at the thought of Mush walking the rest of the way. 

He knew Mush could handle himself just fine, but it was still a trek and after a long day, Mush didn’t need the added exhaustion.

Blink seemed just as calm about this as Mush was, his head resting on Mush’s shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll see if I can get different hours at the shop.”

Race held himself back from rolling his eyes, knowing that there was no chance of that. Blink liked his chaotic schedule and the last time he had tried to change his days, it ended with a cranky Mush in Race’s bed, hogging all the covers. 

“No, don’t– I’ll drive him,” Race blurted out, then rubbing his forehead at his sudden offer. 

He was busy enough with school, but his concern for Mush was overpowering and he held his gaze as his friends looked at him.

“Race, that’s–” Mush began before he and Blink exchanged a look. “Well, let me pay for the gas then, okay?”

Race’s familiar grin came back then as he held out his hand. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Finally, the tension in the room had broken and the three went back to their exuberant hugging, a few tears of joy shared between the three of them. 

“What say we go out and celebrate?” Race suggested, his mind begging for distraction from what he had just promised. 

Mush and Blink’s face lit up at this idea and Race made a note to remember where his medicine was for the impending morning hangover.

~

After several scheduling arrangements, Mush and Race finally figured out a way for Mush to get to work and for Race to not stay out too late for Mush’s sake. Ever thankful, Mush buried Race in gifts until Race had to plead for him to stop, explaining that the friendship was simply enough.

“Yeah, but...what if I don’t get off until midnight or something?”

Race quirked his eyebrow, laughing a little at his friend. “Then we’ll get Blink to pick you up. You do know he gets off then sometimes, right?”

“Oh,” Mush giggled a little and shook his head. “Sorry. Just nervous I think.”

“You’ll be fine,” Race reassured, throwing an arm around Mush’s shoulder as they walked up to the hospital. “Hell, they won’t want to let you go. Before you know it, you’ll be a doctor here!”

“I’m just going for nurse right now,” Mush smiled. “Doctor’s a bit much.”

Not quite finished with his teasing, Race poked Mush’s side. “Whatever you say, Doctor Meyers.”

“Oh my god, you’re so weird,” Mush rolled his eyes, despite the smile that stayed on his face. “But thanks, I really appreciate it.”

Falling into their signature handshake, Mush and Race said their goodbyes, Race watching Mush until he disappeared into the staff room. 

While a small worry grew at the back of his mind, Race knew Mush would be able to handle whatever came his way. Mush was more than qualified with his caring heart and strong soul. Even when they were kids, Race could see how much Mush needed something like this, just like he need his dancing. Except, Race had almost given up and no matter how much time had passed, that regret would never leave him.

Maybe it was just him getting caught up in old memories, but Race didn’t rush to leave the hospital. He took his time through the lobby and into the parking lot, squinting a little at the sun that brightened the day. A few birds flew overhead and Race smiled, accepting the sign of reassurance as he made his way over to his car. 

With each step his heart became lighter and he whispered a small “Thanks, Andre,” into the passing wind, turning back to look at the hospital once more before climbing into his car.

~

“He should be finished in just a few, we’re a little short staffed tonight,” the secretary smiled, sympathetic, though her eyes did not share the same sentiment. 

Race didn’t really mind if he was being honest. With Friday night upon them, there wasn’t any pressing matters at the time, he was just looking forward to seeing Mush. Returning the secretary’s smile, Race went to settle in to one of the lobby chairs and tugged out his phone.

He switched idly between apps as he adjusted in the chair until his legs were draped over one arm and his back pressing against the other. He paid no mind to the stares as people passed by, he was comfortable and it was their loss. 

As if true to the secretary’s word, Mush showed up less than five minutes after Race had settled in and he laughed at his friend. 

“Why do you always do that?” Mush asked as Race got to his feet.

“What, enjoy the comfiness of a chair?”

Mush looked back at the chair, the fabric worn and cushions lumpy. “Didn’t look like your position was too comfortable.”

“Look who’s talking, Mr. Drapey,” Race poked back. “Surprised Blink’s lap hasn’t collapsed yet.”

“You’re just jealous,” Mush laughs as the two cross the parking lot to Race’s car. 

“You wish!”

As they drove to the apartment, the teasing continued on only with the occasional break for Mush to talk about his day. 

“They’re thinking of moving me to another floor, but I’m not sure I can handle it,” Mush sighed, propping his elbow on the car door. 

“What do you mean?” Race asked, turning a little from the road for a moment. 

Mush grimaced, a hand running through his hair. “The patients in the ward aren’t terminal. Well, yet.”

Race raised his eyebrow a little at this, but kept his mouth shut as Mush shook his head.

“Some of them will get better, leave the hospital for good, but it’s the ones who won’t that worry me. I don’t know if I could handle losing a patient, even if I’ve only known them for a day.”

Pursing his lips, Race thought of what to say, if there was anything to say. His brother had gone so abruptly, to watch someone die, slow and painful, was unfathomable. All he wanted was to reassure Mush, but at this point, Race felt his words would only go so far.

With a sigh, Race held his hand out across the partition, glancing at Mush when he could. Mush took Race’s hand, his hold only relaxing as Race rubbed a thumb along the back of his hand. 

“It’ll be tough, but I know you’ll be able to do it. It’s always hard to say goodbye, but you’ve given them the best care and they’ll thank you for that.” 

“Thanks, Race.” Mush’s voice was small and he squeezed Race’s hand. 

The ride became quiet, the two unbothered by the silence shared between them. Their hands held firm and it wasn’t until they finally pulled up to the apartment that they took their hands back. 

“You’re the best, Race. See you tomorrow,” Mush grinned as he got out of the car and Race gave a little wave.

Waiting until Mush was safely inside, Race started the journey back to his dorm. He still didn’t know how to feel about Mush’s situation, filled with worries that would’ve never crossed his mind, but he knew he and Blink would be able to support Mush through and through. 

Race himself had grown, and while the loss would never leave him, he had found his way with family and one friend in particular that never gave up on him. He was ready to take on new challenges, borrow from his own experiences, be a shoulder for someone to lean on. 

All Race hoped was that his efforts weren’t in vain nor seen as prideful. He just wanted to help the ones he loved and surely there was no shame in that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when does spot show up??? heck if i know
> 
> [Chumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race stumbles

Race knew Mush would be taking a while, his text had warned Race enough, but he couldn’t help his impatience. 

Watching the secretary, Race edged along the lobby until he reached the elevator, his eyes scanning the board next to it just to make sure of his location. Jabbing at the button until the elevator doors opened, Race then hopped inside, holding his breath as he pressed the floor that Mush was supposed to be on. Each ding set his nerves on edge and Race let out a sigh of relief when he got out of the elevator. 

The hall was surprisingly empty and there didn’t seem to be anyone at the desks. It was eerie if Race was being honest, but when a nurse popped up from around the corner, he began to relax. He pretended he knew where he was going, picking a random direction and keeping an eye out for any room that had ‘Staff’ labelled on it. 

Most of the doors were closed and Race did his best to pay them no mind. He wasn’t supposed to be here after all. 

“Whoa, Race, what’re you doing up here?”

Race froze when he saw Mush approaching, adding a sheepish shrug to his steps. “I...just wanted to make sure you were okay?”

Mush’s annoyed expression disappeared quickly and he managed out a smile, shaking his head. “I’ll let you off the hook this time. I’m just going to get my stuff, okay?”

Nodding with a grin, Race waited until Mush continued on his destination before turning back the way he came. He took to glancing at the doors he passed by, his steps halting when an open door caught his attention. Race didn’t mean to stop so suddenly, nor did he intend to stare at the scene before him. Yet, there he was, unable to move as his stomach twisted.

The patient in the bed looked near his age, his gaze lifeless as it remained unwavering on the ceiling. A nurse stood nearby, checking his blood pressure - or that was what Race assumed she was doing - as the silence dragged between them. With a satisfactory nod, the nurse took the cuff off the patient’s arm and he barely acknowledged her as she wrote something down.

The room was empty. Too empty for Race’s liking. So maybe it was the movies influencing him, but he thought patients would have a little bit more to their room. Get-well cards, some personalized items. This patient had nothing. Even his bed was the only one in the room and his eyes, glazed over, were more than disheartening. 

Shaking himself from his prying, Race rushed back to the elevator and found his breath when he reached the familiar lobby, his face flushed. Mush was already there, a wary eye following Race as they stood side to side.

“Where were you?”

“Oh, uh,” Race stumbled, trying to find a viable excuse. He wasn’t about to admit to spying. “Got lost is all.”

He waved dismissively, charging out to the parking lot without checking if Mush was following behind. By the time he had climbed into the car, Race’s erratic breathing had started up again as Mush stared at him. 

“What did you see?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Race’s voice broke and he internally cursed himself. 

Mush nodded, shifting in his seat as the two sat in the parked car. “Some of them, you just wish you could do more for,” he started, his arms tight against his body. 

“Yeah,” Race sighed, one hand gripping tight onto the steering wheel. 

He didn’t want to say why the sight of that patient was affecting him, digging into his heart with a horrible ache. There was nothing behind his eyes, no hope, no spark. It was as if the patient’s world held nothing but darkness, a familiarity that was beginning to consume Race all over again.

“He just looked so...alone,” Race allowed himself to speak, his mind taking him to places he thought were far in his past. “Like he’s already given up.”

He could feel Mush’s eyes on him again, the car stifling. Race thought to run again, but he knew it would just end with him caving inwards. He had dragged Mush down enough over the years, he didn’t need that to happen now. Not when everything had been going so well.

“I...I know who you’re talking about,” Mush’s voice was small. “I can’t say much because of patient confidentiality, but you’re not wrong about him.”

Race dared to meet Mush’s eyes, his heart about to burst with the memories that lay behind that gaze. Apologies threatened to spill from Race’s mouth, but he held them inside. He had proven to Mush that he was in a better place. At least, he hoped so, even with his mind still tricking him on his worst days. 

With a sigh, Mush leaned over, wrapping Race up in a tight hug. “You’re doing great, Racer. I mean it.”

Something hot pricked at the back of his eyes and he held onto Mush, his body starting to shake. 

“Fuck, sorry,” Race mumbled, his face burying into Mush’s shoulder as the first tear fell. 

“You don’t ever need to apologize for this, Race,” Mush comforted, his hands rubbing Race’s back.

Race was unable to stop himself as sobs overtook him, awful things clawing at his mind. He wanted to tear out his own heart if it would stop the pain, but he focused on Mush’s hold. The warmth kept him where he was, a reassurance of letting go.

When his crying subsided, Race pulled away slowly, wiping his face with the sleeves of his hoodie. “God, I’m such a disaster,” he tried to joke as Mush brushed away some stray hairs from his face. 

“Well, you’re my disaster. Or, uh...Blink’s too, I mean…” Mush shook his head, huffing a little at his failing attempt to follow Race’s lead. 

It made Race smile at the very least, his heart less heavy when the corners of Mush’s mouth turned up too. 

“I gotta get you home or Blink will have my head,” Race readjusted in his seat, pressing a little into Mush’s touch. 

With a final squeeze to Race’s shoulder, Mush buckled himself in as Race started up the car, the music from the radio drifting between them. 

A song from their high school days, Mush and Race couldn’t help grin at the pop song as Race slowly pulled out of the parking lot. 

Lingering touches occupied most of the car ride and when they reached the apartment, Mush hesitated for a moment.

“Uh, do you want to stay the night? Tomorrow’s Saturday and I–”

“Hell yes,” Race interrupted, turning his car engine off immediately. 

With a bright grin, Mush led the way into the building, glancing behind himself every so often to make sure Race was still following him. 

There was a fleeting moment where Race was a little envious of Blink, but he was quick to shove that to the side. Blink and Mush were perfect for each other and Race wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Entering into the apartment, Race practically sprinted over to the couch, curling up on it as Mush went to put away his bags. It didn’t take long for him to reappear with everything Race would need for the night, setting them on an empty chair before sitting on the other end of the couch. 

The TV was turned on and the two settled in, Mush tugging Race’s legs onto his lap. With the lull of the TV and his emotions taking the most out of him, it wasn’t long until Race was dozing off. He barely registered Blink coming home, the whispers shared between the boyfriends. 

A blanket was laid neatly over him, pillow tucked under his head, and it was then that Race fell into a dreamless sleep as a hand ran down his back.

~

The morning light was almost too much and Race squeezed his eyes tight as he buried his face into the pillow. He let out a low groan, his body aching as he turned to the ceiling - still unfamiliar with the pattern despite the time he had spent in the apartment.

After a night’s sleep, Race was almost embarrassed at his outburst from before, thinking of how he would make it up to Mush. It had been months since an incident like that.

As he tried to come up with a solution, Race’s mind drifted back to the patient and he scowled at himself. His mind wouldn’t give the guy up, but Race found a sense of determination grow within him. 

If it hadn’t been for Mush, Race didn’t know where he would’ve ended up. He was lucky. For all he knew, the patient was just like him except with even less. He wasn’t going to let someone fall into the same hole he had been in. He couldn’t bear the thought. 

Mush’s words were haunting in his mind, but then he remembered what he had told Mush. If only for a moment he could make the patient’s life better, then surely that was more than Race could ask for. 

With a nod, Race sat up just as Blink appeared from the hallway. “You want some coffee?” Blink yawned as he headed towards the kitchen.

“That would be amazing,” Race grinned, hopping up from the couch and folding the blanket. 

He joined Blink in the kitchen, rooting around for some kind of pancake mix and the kitchen was abuzz by the time Mush joined them. Watching his two friends, Race couldn’t help smile at the scene before him, the little displays of love laced in their words and actions as they helped each other set the table. 

Right now, all Race wanted to do was spread the joy he felt with Blink and Mush, his darker thoughts abandoned for a special moment in an otherwise ordinary morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my work schedule is weird this week so i'm posting this today as i won't get off work until late tomorrow :d
> 
> [Tumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As far as impulse decisions go, Race is pleased to say the least

Sneaking past the front desk, Race took slow breaths as he approached the room that he had committed to memory. 

With meticulous planning, he had found ways to get up to Mush’s floor without much trouble. Yet, the fateful door had been closed and Race was too afraid to knock. Then after the second and third time, he decided enough was enough. He would go visit the patient, no matter what was in his way.

Race’s mind rushed through the consequences, a doubt nagging at the back of his mind. He was breaking all of Mush’s rules and probably all of the hospital’s, but he couldn’t let this go. 

To his relief, the door was open, but he hadn’t planned for this sort of entrance.

The TV was on, the patient hardly paying attention to it as tinny music drifted through the speakers. His face remained a stony frown and Race took a small step into the room, swallowing down the building nervousness. 

The patient’s head whipped towards Race and he froze on the spot, all words leaving him. 

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I...uh...”

“Really? You don’t even know your own name?”

Race furrowed his eyebrows at the patient’s rudeness and shoved his hands into his pocket. “It’s Racetrack, asshole.”

The patient laughed shortly at this, his eyes turning upwards. “Yeah, okay. Whatever, man.”

“Well, fine,” Race bit back, his anger leading his words. “It’s Antonio if you’re going to be a piece of shit about it.”

Something danced behind the patient’s eyes, but Race couldn’t place it. If he was being hopeful, he’d say the patient was about to smile. 

“Suppose I gotta return the favor then, huh?” the patient answered, crossing his arms. “Spot. Or Sean. Whichever. Why’re you here, Racetrack?”

Race couldn’t help perk up at the use of his informal name, but he kept his smile down as the patient - Spot - glared at him. 

“Just came to say hello,” Race shrugged, watching as his plan was crumbling before his eyes.

He didn’t realize Spot would be so tightly wound, unwilling to give him a chance. Race was ready to walk out of the room as he shifted under Spot’s stare. 

“Why?”

Sighing, Race ran a hand through his hair, cursing his so-called kind heart. “Just ‘cause. People can’t say hello to you?”

“No. It usually means they want something,” Spot’s eyes narrowed a little. 

Race opened his mouth to retaliate, but he was cut off by a familiar voice. 

“Race? Again?”

Mush stood in the doorway to Spot’s room, ready to leave the hospital. Despite his neutral face, Race could sense Mush’s displeasure and he scooted over to the door. 

“Well, see you around, Spot,” Race waved, grabbing Mush by the shoulder and leading him away.

“Fuck off,” Spot called after him.

Race rolled his eyes, but didn’t look back as he and Mush went to the elevator. 

“We’re talking about this, you know,” Mush muttered as they waited. 

Accepting his fate, Race nodded, a heaviness settling in his stomach. He didn’t mean for Mush to find out, let alone how difficult Spot had been. The entire walk to the car was full of stress and by the time Mush got in, Race rested his forehead against the steering wheel. 

“I just wanted to talk to him,” Race spoke freely, his eyes closed as his arms hung at his sides. 

“It’s a nice gesture, Race, but you gotta at least sign in at the desk. Even if I work there, they’re not going to let my friends just visit whoever they want.”

Leaning back, Race looked at Mush, confused when he didn’t see any hint of anger on Mush’s face. The corners of his mouth couldn’t seem to decide on a frown or a smile, but at least, he wasn’t about to shout.

“You really want to try cracking Spot’s shell?” Mush asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

“I’m not so sure now,” Race sighed. “He’s a jerk.”

Mush gave a resigned nod, picking at his jeans. “Yeah, he refused to talk to me for the first couple of days I was there.” 

“But you’re like the greatest guy I know,” Race couldn’t help comment, blushing a little when Mush laughed. 

“He sure doesn’t think so. But you must be something special if he gave you his name already.”

Race blinked at Mush, his mouth dropping open a little. “I–I just...treated him like he treated me.”

“Maybe that’s where I went wrong,” Mush grinned, shifting in his seat. “Can we go now? I’m starving.”

“Oh, fuck, sorry,” Race started the car. 

Despite the idle conversation the two were able to carry, Race couldn’t help but think about what Mush said. If he had been able to do what Mush hadn’t, then maybe Spot was worth another shot. 

Yet, the dread in his mind suggested something else and Race toyed through the options in his head as he lay in bed that night. 

“God, I have homework, you asshole,” Race whispered to no one, rolling over to see the time a glaring 3AM. 

Groaning, Race shoved his face into his pillow, slamming his fist down on the bed next to him. How dare this complete stranger keep him up, take over Race’s thoughts as if he had actually done something special.

Race would go see Spot again, if only so he could go back to getting a decent night’s sleep and pass his senior year. 

~

Race did as Mush asked, signing in before heading to Spot’s room. The secretary said nothing, a pointed glare at Race’s assortment, but Race simply grinned at her as he stuffed his way into the elevator. 

Once on the floor, Spot’s room in sight, Race stepped close to the door to make sure he wasn’t interrupting anything. The muffled sound of the TV drifted through, nothing seeming out of the ordinary and he took a deep breath in. Bursting through the door, Race had to duck, the balloons in one hand blocking his view until he shoved them out of the way with the bouquet of flowers in his other hand.

Spot’s wide eyes made Race laugh and he made his way to the bedside, a beaming grin on his face. Setting down the flowers, Race looked around before deciding to tie the balloons to the railing on the bed, the colors bouncing with the sunlight that poured in. The balloons tangled around Race and by the time he broke free, Spot’s expression had not changed.

“You got a vase or something?” Race picked up the bouquet of flowers, searching yet again. 

Spot said nothing, save for his shift away from Race, and Race frowned, setting the flowers back down on the table. 

“I’ll check with a nurse later,” Race shook his head before turning back to Spot. “So, how’ve you been, buddy?”

“What the fuck,” Spot whispered, his eyes relaxing only a little. 

His deep frown remained and Race grabbed the chair propped against the wall before sitting next to Spot. 

“Just wanted to brighten up the room a bit,” Race explained as Spot’s stare didn’t waver. 

Race flashed a smile then, his nerves starting to get the best of him, before Spot ran a hand down his face. 

“Uh, okay, whatever,” Spot muttered, his hand still covering his face. “Just do me a favor. Don’t call me buddy again.”

“That mean I can visit you some more?” Race said with a grin, pleased when he saw Spot’s eyes snap open.

Spot’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he threw his arms up, shaking his head. “I’m guessing you’re still going to show up no matter what I say.”

Race shrugged, taking a glance around the room. “I mean, I have to bring my friend home, so I’m here regardless. But I’ll respect your wishes if you don’t want me to visit.”

Spot let out a short huff, crossing his arms as he turned away from Race. Waiting for a response, Race fiddled around with the hem of his sweater before he gave in to his impatience.

“Mush and I have been friends since we were kids. He’s kinda like a brother, kinda like something else. I don’t know how to explain it, but he’s important to me.”

“That what his nickname is?” Spot interrupted, his gaze still on the other wall.

“Oh, right,” Race backtracked. “Suppose you only know him as Michael, huh?”

Spot turned back to Race, nodding a little. “Well, I call him Mikey, but yeah.”

Race couldn’t help smile at this, finding it endearing that Spot had already come up with his own nickname for Mush. 

“God, that probably takes him way back,” Race began. “We didn’t meet until fourth grade. By then, he was Mush.”

Spot hummed a little as he looked away again. Despite his stern glare, his eyes darted around and Race breathed in. 

“Anyway, I’m sure you probably don’t want to hear my whole life story. Or anything else I have to say. Just wanted to say hello.”

“Again,” Spot added and Race was sure he saw the corner of Spot’s mouth twitch. 

With pursed lips, Race checked the time, figuring he had overstayed his welcome. He put the chair back in its place and gave the room a once over, pleased with how his arrangement of balloons did seem to brighten it up just a bit. 

“Well, I better head out. I’ll get someone to put those flowers in some water,” he spoke to what felt like to no one at this point and he nodded his goodbye as he opened the door. 

“See you soon, Race.”

Whipping his head back towards Spot on the bed, Race couldn’t believe his eyes to see Spot’s face with just the hint of a smile. Race grinned back wildly and he practically skipped out of the room. 

To his luck, he bumped into Mush along the way, and he wrapped his friend in a hug. 

“Oh, hello,” Mush said, not given any time to return the embrace before Race jumped into the case of the flowers.

“I brought some flowers to Spot. They need a vase. Water. You know.”

Race was sure Mush’s eyes were going to bulge out of his head until Mush sighed, running a hand down his face. 

“Flowers. For Spot. Okay, Race,” he muttered. “God, you’re full of surprises.”

A small grin spread on Mush’s face then, but it was hardly comparable to the bright smile on Race’s. 

“I think we’re making progress,” Race hugged Mush again before bounding over to the elevators. “I’ll see you at ten tonight?”

“Yes sir,” Mush saluted as he headed down towards Spot’s room. 

The elevator dinged and Race rushed in, his excitement overtaking all his thoughts.

It wasn’t much, but Spot had given him a chance and Race would be damned if he wasn’t going to run wild with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell...i got carried away.....
> 
> [Tingle](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race and Spot talk, bringing with it a sense of renewal

Getting a dinner invite out of the blue from Mush was hardly unordinary. 

Sometimes, Mush made too much food. Other times, Blink wanted the extra company as they finished homework. However, when Race arrived at the apartment, the atmosphere was stiff, no one wanting to meet each other’s gaze after their cheerful hellos. 

“What?” Race deadpanned and his friends jumped. 

“Well, I was just thinking,” Mush began from his spot in the kitchen. “The way you’re approaching Spot.”

Race shook his head. “And?”

“And,” Mush repeated. “Blink and I think you might be coming off a bit strong.”

Staring at his friends, Race held his stance for as long as he could before his shoulders dropped, his backpack falling to the ground. 

“I just thought I was being nice. I mean, I guess now that you say it like that…” Race continued talking, not hearing his words as he tried to explain. 

Then again, he had hardly considered Spot’s feelings. If he had even wanted company in the first place. 

“It was just flowers and balloons, not like I was trying to wine and dine him,” Race ended, a small huff leaving him as he flopped down on one of the chairs.

Fidgeting under Blink’s stare more than Mush’s, Race waited for a response.

“Sure as hell sounds like you just threw yourself at him,” Blink spoke first.

“I didn’t though!” Race went to defend himself when Mush interrupted, shooting Blink an annoyed glance. 

“We’re just saying maybe everything was a bit much for the, well, first time,” Mush explained. “You should probably talk to him. Find out if he really wants you hanging around.”

Race crossed his arms, avoiding his friends’ glances. He hated that they were right. That he had approached Spot how he would’ve approached himself. Even if he had only talked to Spot twice, Race could tell they were different in more ways than one and he grumbled to himself. 

“God, you’re right,” he rubbed his forehead. “I should’ve...I need to…” 

A ding caught everyone’s attention and Mush jumped up, checking over his variety of pots and pans on the stove. 

“Talk to him and report back, okay?” Mush called from the kitchen.

Race’s own, “Okay,” was small and he dared to look at Blink, frowning at the sheepish expression on his face. 

“Sorry for accusing you of things,” Blink shook his head. “Mush was just worrying about this nonstop for days and I guess I only know half the details.”

Nodding, Race looked at the wall, a small sigh leaving him. “Anything else you want to know?”

“Well...what is it about Spot? Why him?”

Turning to Blink, Race’s heart lifted when he saw the genuine interest, Blink ready to hear all Race had to say. As Mush came back into the living room, Race found the strength to start, pouring everything into what he had seen in Spot.

~

The elevator was tight, the hallways too small and Race’s pulse was charging ahead. There was no reason to be nervous, he was just here to talk.

At Spot’s door, Race raised his hand to knock and paused. He was making this into a formal exit, acting like it was some big deal and he needed to calm his nerves. Yet, he couldn’t help wonder if Spot had opened just a little, if his chances were truly spent. 

Knocking, Race listened for something, anything, and fought back his grin when he heard Spot’s rough, “Come in.”

Breathing out, Race opened the door, forcing a smile onto his face despite how much he wanted to make Spot’s sour expression. 

“You again,” Spot noted, turning his attention to the window. 

“Me again,” Race nodded and surveyed the room, his heart beating faster when he saw his balloons still tied to the railing.

The flowers had held up well too, fresh water, sunlight pouring onto them and Race bit his lip. He had come to apologize, not get his hopes up. 

“Listen, man,” Race sighed, his mind swarming with unclear doubts. “I just wanted to say sorry. For throwing stuff at you, expecting us to be best friends after I barged in. I really didn’t give you much of a choice.”

“No, you didn’t,” Spot cut in, his voice neutral and sending a chill down Race’s spine.

The silence was thick, Race’s breaths tightening in his chest. Too much attention was on him and he was ready to flee. Always making things about himself, always forgetting other people in a situation. 

“Uh, well, I’ll let you be now. Forever, if that’s what you want. Hope you get out soon,” was all Race could manage before he turned to exit the room. 

“Race,” Spot’s voice caught his ears and Race froze, his stare locked on the door handle.

“Listen, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it.” 

Raising his head, Race looked over his shoulder, frowning at Spot. 

“Yeah, I surprised me too,” Spot scowled, taking ardent interest in tugging at one of the balloon strings. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You did force yourself in here, but…” A large sigh left Spot, his shoulders shrugging. “...maybe needed it. You’re the first person to come see me besides my sponsor and the change of pace is nice, I guess.”

Somehow during his talking, Spot had laced all the strings between his fingers and he took his time to look at Race, his stare something to be reckoned with. 

Race was at a loss for words. Surely, Spot couldn’t mean what he said. This was just a dream Race would wake up from. 

“Come over here,” Spot commanded and Race did as he was told, a small squeak leaving him as he made his way over to Spot’s bedside. 

“You gotta promise me one thing,” Spot’s finger pointed at Race’s face.

Nodding feverishly, Race didn’t care if he was making a soul pact at this point. Spot could ask the world of him and Race would agree without hesitation if that made him happy.

“Don’t forget about me. Don’t make this some thing you leave behind when you get bored.”

“No, of course not. I won’t,” Race shook his head as he held back his laugh. As if he could ever forget Spot. 

Spot stared at Race, lowering his pointing finger. “All right. That’s more like it.” 

Race’s eyebrows shot up, this time unable to help his laughter as he covered his hand with his mouth. When Spot’s mouth quirked up, Race considered that a small victory and he took a breath in, a grin plastered on his face. 

It was Spot who began again, as if he was in tune to Race’s spinning mind. 

“Good talk. Glad we got to sort this out.”

The balloons bounced into Race’s face and Race stumbled back, almost sure he heard a small laugh from Spot follow after. Yet, when he was able to see Spot’s face again, there were no traces of any smile.

As if timed to the second, Race’s phone pinged then and he pulled it out to see Mush’s text of _Where are you???? >:(_

“All right, I gotta head,” Race sighed, shoving his phone away. “I’ll be back. Maybe tomorrow.”

Race’s smile brightened at these words, a lightness encasing his soul as Spot nodded. 

“You better be.”

With a wave, Race rushed from the room, holding back his cheer as he raced down to the lobby. 

So, maybe things had gotten mixed, his mind fooling him every which way, but when Race saw Mush, explained everything in a garbled mess, he didn’t care anymore. Spot wanted him to return.

Mush seemed resigned, only nodding along to Race’s frantic energy before his smile broke through. “Well, I’ll take that.”

Starting the car, Race beamed back as a bright song blasted through the speakers. So most certainly would he.

~

Race spun, his body twisting as his gaze focused on a singular spot in the mirrors before him. His movements fluid, mind blank, Race slid into his final stance, a sigh of relief leaving him. 

It was nearly midnight, the lights from the city glimmering through the windows and Race caught his breath as he glanced around the dance studio. If only it could always be this quiet. He had come in late to practice for his final and his mind was buzzing, keeping a decent night’s sleep at bay.

Walking over to the balance bar, Race started on his cooldown all while his mind drifted towards Spot. He was going to see him again, that much was sure, but Race wanted this time to be special, personal. The balloons and flowers had all been presentation. He had broken through one of Spot’s walls, now it was just knocking down the rest. 

“Well, here goes nothing, huh, Andrea?” Race smiled as he curled his arm out. 

The clock struck twelve then, a gentle chime echoing in the dance studio. Glancing at the clock, Race nodded at it, accepting the answer. 

“Yeah, no turning back.”

Going over to his bag, Race sat down and pulled out a picture tucked away, a weight settling on his shoulders. They had all been so happy, sitting in front of the fireplace from oldest to youngest, Andrea, Race, and little Siena. A small anger grew inside him and he wanted to blame everything, yet there was nothing. The deer just appeared. Andrea hadn’t been able to swerve out of the way. 

Hugging his knees to his chest, Race stared at the hardwood floor, one hand trailing over a knot in the wood while the other held onto the picture. He could hear Andrea’s voice in his head, a memory from when he was just entering middle school.

_“What’s wrong, Racer?” Andrea turned from his desk to look at Race standing in his bedroom doorway_

_“Everyone likes you,” Race pouted, backpack slipping from his shoulders as he went to sit on the edge of Andrea’s bed. “You got all these friends, always got something to go to…when is it my turn?”_

_Andrea laughed, shaking his head at Race. “Not everyone likes me, Racer. Even some of my closest friends didn’t like me at first.”_

_Race didn’t believe him and he crossed his arms across his chest, looking away. “So why did you become friends with them if you didn’t like them?”_

_“I liked them fine,” Andrea shrugged. “They had made assumptions or it just wasn’t the right time. Sometimes all it took was working on a school project together.”_

_Turning to his brother, Race gazed at him, wishing he had Andrea’s optimism, his kindness, everything. He was the perfect person and Race found himself comparing. It wasn’t his parents who made him feel this way, but rather classmates, teasing from Race’s own peers._

_“You’ve got Mush, I’d say that’s pretty special,” Andrea began, his face holding no tension. “And you’ll find other friends. People that really matter.”_

_Sighing, Race glanced around the room. “I guess.”_

_“I know so,” Andrea smiled at Race, who couldn’t help returning the expression. “Now, I heard from Mom you’ve got a pretty important assignment you need help on.”_

_At this, Race lit up, untucking himself as he dug a notebook and pencil out from his backpack._

_“Yeah, I gotta write about someone I look up to. I wanna write about you.”_

Andrea’s laughter rang in Race’s ears and Race grinned at the picture. All his life he had tried to catch up to his brother, maybe now it was time to take his own path. 

There was something to be had with Spot, endless possibilities laying before Race. But more than that, this was to show Spot compassion he might not find elsewhere in his confines of the hospital. Time and time again, Race had fallen into himself, trapped in his insecurities and fears, but he wasn’t going to let that happen with Spot. 

No, Spot was going to live again and Race would help him every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops 
> 
>  
> 
> [Wumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race doesn't know where he's going

Rooting through his bag, Race triple-checked that he had everything he had meant to bring as he headed up to Spot’s room. 

Race had compiled some well-thought items together, hoping Spot would at least look at them. With a nod at a nurse as he approached the room, Race steadied his breathing as he opened the door. 

Spot was slow to turn to Race’s entrance, his eyes tearing away from a piece of paper as he shifted in his upright position. There was a tray crossing over his lap, a pencil sitting on it and he simply stared as Race stood in the doorway. 

“Hello to you too,” Race nodded as he started on his routine. 

Grab the chair, sit next to Spot, give some kind of snarky line, he could get used to this. Maybe not Spot’s unending stare, but Race did his best to ignore it for now as he set down his bag. 

“Why is my answer wrong?” Spot asked, holding the paper out to Race. 

Race raised his eyebrow, but said nothing as he took it from Spot. He couldn’t help glance at Spot rolling the pencil around on the tray before looking at the paper. Math equations were scattered about it, but Race recognized it all the same from classes he had taken.

“They got you doing homework here?” Race blurted out and the heat crept up to his face.

“No. It just keeps my mind busy,” Spot shrugged, now taken to tapping the pencil on his hand. 

Race conceded to Spot’s comment, biting his lip as he looked over the equations. To him, they were simple enough, but he had always prided himself in his book-smarts. Holding his hand out for the pencil, Race waited, as Spot was hesitant to give it up, before he started on one problem. 

“You started it out right, but you forgot to factor the x here,” Race explained, writing down his solution next to Spot’s. “See?”

He leaned in so the paper was between the two of them and trailed the tip of the pencil down so Spot could see his mistake. 

“God, I’m a fucking idiot,” Spot sighed, gently taking the paper and pencil from Race. 

“Nah, sometimes staring too long makes you miss easy things,” Race jumped in. “Happens to me all the time during midterms.” 

Spot made a small gagging noise and Race laughed, his head tipping back a little. 

“Hey, man, if you go to college, you got four years of that shit.”

“So maybe I won’t go,” Spot shrugged. “Just get my GED and work at a fast food place.”

Race frowned a little at Spot’s mention of a high school degree. He thought they were the same age, but he made no move to question it. 

“Dropped out of school when I was sixteen. My sponsor is trying to make something out of me, like I’m some kind of charity case even if I end up dying here,” Spot supplied, taking a moment to nibble on the eraser. “Your face says too much.”

Race stuck his tongue in his cheek, knowing all too well how expressive he was. Blink mentioned it every chance he got until Mush intervened. 

“Why…?” Race went to ask before stopping himself. 

He wasn’t going to cross that line of privacy. Spot’s business was his own and Race related all too well. Spot’s movements stilled, a brief glance at Race before he ruffled his hair with one hand.

“Really didn’t take care of myself after I ran away from my foster home. Whole body’s sort of quitting on me. I don’t really understand the doctors’ words, but I guess I’ll eventually need an organ transplant or something.” Spot sighed then, leaning back against the pillows. “Who would’ve thought, huh?”

Race breathed in at Spot’s explanation, his chest tightening. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Spot had been through and his doubts crept up. With such different lives, maybe he would never understand, try as he might. After all, he had his family every step of the way and Mush remained the ever loyal friend despite how Race had burrowed into himself.

“I’m sorry,” Race spoke quietly, staring down at his hands. 

“Not your fault,” Spot shook his head. “At least I’m not where I was. I’d say that’s something.”

Race smiled a little at this, meeting Spot’s eyes. They remained unwavering for longer than Race imagined and he turned away first, digging into his bag. 

“I almost forget,” he said with a cough. “I brought you some things.”

Pulling out a book and some DVDs, Race lined them up alongside Spot on the bed, now a little embarrassed at what he brought.

“Just some shows and movies I like. Oh, and this book,” he tapped the cover. “I don’t know if you like fantasy, but maybe it’ll help pass the time.”

“I’ll give it a shot,” Spot responded, hands trailing over the various items. “TV gets pretty boring after a while.”

Race nodded his understanding, watching with anticipation as Spot picked up his favorite movie. It was the second copy he owned and he figured if anyone besides Mush should borrow it, that person had to be Spot. 

“I’m not surprised you like this,” Spot commented after he finished reading the back. A smirk had grown on his face and Race lit up at this. “You’re pretty cool, Racetrack.”

Trying to calm down his smile, Race squeaked out a small, “Thanks,” and his face grew hot as Spot raised an eyebrow at him. 

Spot muttered something under his breath then, but Race couldn’t catch it in his attempt to calm himself down. Why he was acting like this was beyond him. So he had gotten more than a frown out of Spot. Didn’t mean they were suddenly best friends. 

“Fuck, I should finish up these problems. Will you be sticking around?” Spot cut into Race’s swarming thoughts and Race stumbled.

“Well, I could leave, but if you want me to stay, sure, but that’s up to you, I mean–”

“Race,” Spot interrupted, his eyes piercing. “Calm down. I want you to stay.”

Race swallowed, his heart beating wildly. Doors upon doors opened in front of his eyes and he couldn’t help the small smile that burst forth. 

“Okay, don’t go all weird just ‘cause I’m not kicking you out,” Spot rolled his eyes before tapping Race on the head once with his pencil. “I just need help with this.”

“Of course,” Race couldn’t help tease and he poked Spot’s side without thinking.

Race froze, eyes going wide as Spot glared at him. If he could disappear then, Race would, but he was stuck in the chair as Spot leaned in close. 

“Just. This. Once.” Spot pointed his pencil in Race’s face, the eraser coming closer with each word. 

Nodding quickly, Race didn’t let his breath go until Spot was back to his homework and he mentally kicked himself. He’d already gotten so far, the last thing he needed to do was mess this up. 

Resting his elbow on the bedside table, Race balanced his head on his hand as Spot scribbled through his homework. If he was staring, Race made sure to look away whenever Spot turned to him, the two going back and forth like a pendulum. 

It was only when Spot had finished a problem that he would turn his attention to Race, the space between them hardly a space at all. Race couldn’t help his eyes flickering to Spot’s face as Spot pointed out his reasonings, picking out little details on his face that Race hadn’t noticed before. 

The light spattering of freckles, the lines at the corner of his eyes, Race’s mind wandered for a little bit, but he would bring himself back just in time to respond to Spot’s statements. Whatever was happening to him, Race tried to make it stop, to control the outpour of emotions. Yet with each problem, with every hand brush as they exchanged the pencil, Race could feel his heart rising and rising. 

How he was going to explain this to Mush, Race had no idea and he only hoped his friend would understand what this kind of falling felt like.

~

In between school, Mush’s rides, and visiting Spot, Race was tired to say the least. The days were flying by and Race could hardly believe that he survived as many exams as he did. 

While most of his classes weren’t passing with top scores, he was happy enough with his grades, his mind more concerned about his dance final. 

Ever since meeting Spot, Race could see his dancing turn into something that wasn’t him. Haphazard and jerky, it was as if his body wanted to drag him towards a chaotic mess rather than the fluidity he knew by heart. Even if his teacher praised him for this “interpretive” style, it was foreign and Race wasn’t sure if he enjoyed it or not. 

It didn’t stop him from seeing Spot at any rate, his mind’s melody changing from a steady time signature to one that bounced around in a convoluted tune whenever he laid eyes on Spot. 

Cursing under his breath, Race focused back on the music, trying to complete his piece. When the last note floated through, he breathed a sigh of relief and dropped his pose. 

Glancing out into the empty auditorium, he saw Mush and Blink’s faces in the front row, their expressions a matched blankness. 

“That was…” Mush started, fidgeting under Race’s stare. “...different?”

“Not in a bad way, of course,” Blink shook his head as Mush copied him. “Like, you know, exploring new things is what makes your creative process better after all and–”

“Yeah, okay, I know. It fucking sucked,” Race interrupted before letting out a groan. 

Laying down until he was flat on his back, Race stared at the lighting above him. He knew what he was doing. He had this dance planned since he was young, a silent promise to Andrea to see it through. Now, it was crumbling right before his eyes and he flailed in frustration. 

Mush and Blink exchanged a glance, but neither rushed to the stage to stop Race’s dramatics. They’d seen this all before.

“Sorry,” Race sat up, running a hand through his hair. “I just don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Senioritis?” Blink suggested and Mush gave a sympathetic smile. 

“Could be, Race. After this we’re in the real world. It’s understandable that you have a lot on your mind,” Mush added. 

Race glanced at Blink and then Mush, not wanting to admit his theory. That Spot had dug something strange out of him that Race had just hidden away. He didn’t need Mush’s reprimandation over his friendship with Spot. If it could be called that. 

“I’ll keep working at it,” Race sighed, getting up to his feet and grabbing his things. “Thanks for watching.”

“No problem,” Blink and Mush responded, their eyes on Race until he disappeared backstage.

Leaning forward just to make sure the area was clear, Blink then turned to Mush. “You think it’s Spot?” he asked low. 

Frowning a little, Mush was slow to shake his head. “I don’t know. I hope not.”

“Why?” Blink prodded.

“I just don’t want Race hurt,” Mush looked away, his hands twisting together. “Spot, he’s…”

Shaking his head, Mush didn’t know how to continue. It couldn’t be him. Spot and Race were friends, he saw them sometimes as he passed by the room. There was nothing wrong with how they were, but with no certainty of Spot’s life, Mush didn’t want Race to have to deal with the worst again.

With a small breath, Blink took Mush’s hands in his own, giving a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure Race will be okay. He’s strong, you know that.”

Meeting Blink’s gaze, Mush’s shoulders sagged and he rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

“I know,” Mush whispered. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man race handles things just about as well as i do....
> 
> [Tingle](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race finds he and Spot are not so different after all

Race had been caught hook, line, and sinker. 

He had no one to blame but himself, letting his heart take the lead into this infatuation. Spot plagued all of Race’s thoughts and dreams until even his dancing was put on hold, his practices penciled away in exchange for visiting Spot at the hospital. 

Yet, despite it all, Race was happy. It didn’t matter if Spot wouldn’t ever feel the same or if they would be just a one-off. It had been so long since he had a crush, all Race really wanted was to see where it would go. What might happen.

“So, what’s your story?” Spot asked one day as Race was idly flipping through the channels on the TV.

Race blinked, lowering the remote as he looked at Spot. Their eyes met in a moment of hesitation and Race shook his head, setting the remote to the side. 

“What do you mean?”

Spot shrugged, picking at a fingernail. “Why’re you a dance major? What’s the deal between you and Mikey and...what’s-his-name...”

“Blink?” Race suggested and Spot nodded. 

“Yeah, Blink.” 

Race shifted in his chair, unsure of what Spot wanted to hear. “Uh, I like dancing. There’s this traveling dance company that I’ve always dreamed to be a part of. Blink and Mush are my friends, I told you. That’s it.”

Spot’s nose twitched and he rubbed it with a huff. “What about dancing do you like?”

“You actually want to know?” Race let out a cynical laugh that trailed off almost immediately. “Wait...you’re serious, aren’t you?”

Spot didn’t look at him, nor did it seem as if he had a proper response. Eyebrows knotting in confusion, Race cleared his throat, watching as Spot brushed away some hair from his forehead. 

“Dancing makes me feel free. It makes me happy. I...I lost my older brother when I was in high school and after that, I just...gave up on everything,” Race’s voice cracked. 

It had been so long since he had told anyone about his brother, a scar forever carved in his chest. Tears fell from his eyes and Race wiped them away with a shuddered sigh. 

“Sorry,” Race then buried his face in his hands, willing the memories away. 

He didn’t mean for this to happen in front of Spot, the sudden confession, the outburst of emotions. When a hand landed on one of his own, Race snapped his head up, taking a deep breath in before he turned to Spot. 

In Spot’s eyes laid a trust Race wanted to be engulfed in, a sense of security as Spot squeezed his hand. Spot glanced down then, his lips pursed before he finally found his voice. 

“Losing someone is never easy. Lost my whole family in an accident.”

Race held back the sob threatening to burst out of him as he stared at Spot, hoping his eyes said it all as his mouth refused to move. How could it be, such lost, familiar souls having found each other this way?

“Let’s just hope neither of us have to go through something like that again.” The corner of Spot’s mouth turned up, his voice gentle and soothing. 

It took all of Race’s strength to nod and he held tight onto Spot’s hand, apologies and words of understanding colliding in his mind, unable to choose what to say first. 

“You didn’t finish your story,” Spot interrupted Race’s thoughts, a finger moving to brush away some of Race’s stray tears. 

Swallowing, Race struggled to refocus his mind amongst Spot’s lingering touches. Spot’s own history. They both went through the unimaginable and here was Spot, still trying to break free. For a moment, Race was consumed with guilt but he shoved that to the side, blurting out the first thing that popped into his head.

“It was Mush who got me back into dancing. He got me back into living.”

There was a thick silence before Spot edged in with an unfamiliar hesitation. “Were you boyfriends?”

Spot’s eyes flickered away from Race’s stare and Race tried to pass over Spot’s sudden change, despite how he wished to read Spot’s mind.

“No. Never.”

Spot’s mouth opened again, but he snapped it shut and Race made a bold move to guess his next question. 

“It’s okay if Mush told you about him and me. I’m not mad,” Race fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “We...uh, it’s just how we work. Keeps us both grounded to be affectionate. We know how far to go and we wouldn’t do anything to disregard Blink.”

“He’s a pretty solid guy to be supportive like that,” Spot nodded, glancing at Race.

“Who? Blink or Mush?”

Spot smirked a little then, tilting his head. “Yes.”

Race eyed Spot before a small laugh bubbled up and he ran a hand through his hair. Not even a minute ago, he had been drowning in his tears and now, Spot was pulling him out of his sorrows. Race was beginning to wonder where Spot had been all his life and he wracked his mind for some form of thanks.

“God, you’re a hoot.”

Mortified, Race pulled away, only to find his hand still tangled with Spot’s. 

“Thanks, you’re not too bad yourself,” Spot teased, making the first move to break their holding hands, something both seemed reluctant to do. 

The room around them was ignored as Race’s and Spot’s gazes met, their hands now resting next to the other on the bed. The seconds ticked by, an offer fresh for the taking as something fierce danced in Spot’s eyes. Race held his breath, allowing himself to lean forward as Spot did. 

“You look nervous,” Spot tried first and Race shook his head, his confidence growing. 

“Nah, I’d say that’s on you.” 

The door to the room flew open then and the moment was snatched as Mush came in with Spot’s meal. He greeted the two with a smile, before Spot - to everyone’s surprise - prompted a conversation with Mush as if they hadn’t just been talking about him. Asking questions about his program, why he chose nursing, Mush and Race had only one chance to exchange a look in between Spot’s pestering. 

“You two talk about each other a lot, figured I could stop acting like I have a stick up my ass,” Spot commented when he noticed the glance.

Neither Race nor Mush could hold back their laughter and Spot seemed pleased at the display before him. 

“Uh, never thought that negatively of you,” Mush said once recomposed. “But thanks for giving me a chance too.”

“Course,” Spot nodded, giving Race a small smirk as Mush checked over his vitals and then set up Spot’s tray. “I got a fever or something?”

Mush’s pointed stare was one to be reckoned with and Race shrank in his seat, knowing better than to get in the path of Mush’s seriousness. 

“They’re just not where we want them to be. We were hoping for some change by now,” Mush pulled out Spot’s chart, jotting something down while avoiding Race’s eyes.

Spot merely hummed in return and when the chart was back in place, Mush cleared his throat. “Eat all of it this time. I know it’s not gourmet food, but you need all the strength you can get.”

“Yes, Mom,” Spot rolled his eyes and Mush shook his head with a small laugh. 

“All right, I gotta finish my rounds. See you later, Race,” Mush finally acknowledged his friend and his eyes held a solemn tone around the edges. 

Race forced a smile on in return and it was only when Mush had left the room that Race turned back to Spot, hoping he could forget Mush’s stare. 

“Charmer, much?” he tested, watching as Spot pushed around the bland food on his tray. 

“What, you jealous?” Spot shot back.

Race grinned, leaning close to Spot as something adventurous in him took over. “And if I am?”

Spot stopped his poking and slowly turned to Race, his face unreadable save for the slight quirk at the corner of his mouth. 

“Well, good thing he don’t mean nothing like you do.”

Race could feel his eyes widen, his mouth dropping open ever so slightly while Spot grinned as if he had just won the unspoken game they were playing. It wasn’t where Race had expected this to go. He was just teasing with his flirtatious manner and surely, Spot was doing the same thing. 

“Close your mouth. Unless you really want some of my food,” Spot said as he tapped a finger under Race’s chin. 

Race scooted away then, his face burning as he memorized the singular touch from Spot. With his lips pressed tightly together, Race stared at Spot a little longer before trying to focus back on the TV. 

Not to his surprise, it didn’t work and he resigned himself to watching Spot out of the corner of his eye. Race was trying to pull away, to avoid his heart from leading him further and further, but Spot’s actions were making this difficult. It didn’t help that the jokes felt so natural, that when their fingers brushed, Race just wanted to latch onto them. 

He knew the consequences, supposing Spot did as well, but neither made a move to stop. Not even now. 

“So, what’s your dance recital going to be like?” Spot’s voice broke through Race’s chaotic thoughts. 

A small breath left Race, his heart stuttering in his chest. All that mattered was how much Spot seemed to care and Race smiled then, ready to share a part of himself that he had always wanted the world to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you...believe...these two....
> 
> [Chumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Holiday Special and then some

Coming home for the holidays was never easy. 

Besides traffic, dealing with the lingering stress of finals, it reminded Race too much of his brother. 

Andrea went all out with Christmas, following the same traditions every year, spoiling his family with gifts. He was a light Race could always come home to. Race’s family did what they could after the accident, but Andrea’s absence was apparent even amongst the bright decor.

Sitting up in his room, Race stared at the faded blue, sun-bleached over the years along with his collection of music posters. He couldn’t help imagine what he and Andrea would have been doing, if maybe he would be able to talk about Spot. 

Race smiled to himself, a bit embarrassed at how much Spot was a part of his life, occupying so many of his thoughts. He hoped Andrea didn’t mind too much. 

Spot had just wiggled into Race’s life or maybe Race had just inserted himself into Spot’s. Either way, they were a part of each other’s story and Race was still in awe at how far they had come. They were friends, maybe something more, Race’s heart beating wildly in his chest. 

Shaking his head, Race hopped from his bed and scanned his bookshelf, hoping to think about Christmas, the gifts he had picked out for his family. Then, it struck him. He and Spot didn’t talk much about the holidays other than that Race was going home. He hadn’t even thought about getting Spot anything and he frowned at himself. 

Looking at the books again, Race searched for an answer and found one clear as day sitting on his mind. He didn’t have to buy something big or expensive. As long as it was special, Race was sure Spot would appreciate any gift Race gave him. At least, Race liked to think so. The balloons had stayed up until there was no air left in them. 

His head was buzzing, heart pounding and Race smiled again. For just a little while, it was as if Andrea was home and Race hoped his family felt the same way, heading out of his room just as his sister turned on the radio to the Christmas station.

~

Race hummed with the music that drifted from the elevator speakers, his heart light and hands full. The end of the holidays were nearing and Race was ready to ring in the New Year with a few surprises for Spot. 

Nodding to the wreaths that still hung in the halls, Race was convinced he had imagined winter break. Despite not being able to see Spot, it had sped by, leaving Race to scramble back to campus earlier than usual just to drop in at the hospital. He had missed Spot too, unable to keep his mind far from him until his family finally asked when they’d get to meet this infamous patient. 

Race never did give them a straightforward answer.

Opening the door to Spot’s room, Race grinned at the sight of Spot’s neutral face and he all but slammed the door behind him.

“Merry Christmas!” Race bounded over to Spot’s bedside. “Or Happy Hanukkah...well, um, Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate!”

Dumping the box onto Spot’s lap, Race beamed at him as he adjusted the Santa hat on his head. Spot’s stare was amusing to say the least, his hands stuck by his sides as if the box would bite him at any moment. 

“Open it,” Race urged. “It’s for you.”

With tentative hands, Spot began to tear off the wrapping, occasionally sparing a glance at Race as he did so. The tension was almost too much, Race bouncing in place as Spot opened the box, pulling out the gifts one at a time. 

A mix CD of Race’s favorite songs, a scarf with blue and red stripes, each gift had a certain meaning and Race couldn’t help watch Spot, gauging his reactions. 

“I didn’t get you anything,” Spot mumbled when he was finished, his hands tracing along the gifts. “I didn’t think that–”

“Don’t worry about it,” Race shook his head with a smile. “It’s not like we planned anything. I just wanted to give you some stuff that’s all.”

Spot’s face was downcast, slow breaths leaving him. “You’ve been too good to me...I...god, I’ve been an asshole. Why’ve you stayed?”

It was then Spot looked at Race, his eyes tumultuous and questioning. With a swallow, Race shoved his hands into his pockets, a small shrug his first response. 

“ ‘Cause I wanted to. I just wanted you to be happy.” He looked everywhere but at Spot, his anxiousness rising in his chest. His voice trailed off and he hoped Spot would do, say anything.

“Thank you.”

Race almost thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but the hand on his arm confirmed his suspicions and he held his breath. 

“You’re a great guy, Race, and I’m...I’m glad we’re friends,” Spot squeezed Race’s arm, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “If I can call us that.”

“Hell yeah,” Race breathed out, his hand landing on top of Spot’s. 

The two stared at their joined hands for just a moment before it was Spot who laughed quietly.

“Man, I’m turning into a sap. Next, I’ll be calling you sweetheart.”

Race couldn’t help the burst of laughter that came from him as he took Spot’s hand from his arm and held it. 

“I wouldn’t mind so much,” Race grinned before kissing Spot’s hand. 

Spot’s eyes widened for a moment, but he didn’t pull his hand back, choosing instead to return Race’s grin. 

“Okay, sweetheart,” Spot oversaturated his voice and Race laughed again. 

“All right, don’t go overboard, let me get used to the idea first.”

“Fair enough.”

The two let out contented sighs, each taking their hand back before Spot picked up one of the gifts, flipping through the pages of the book. 

“So I don’t have to follow this exactly do I?” He asked, opening it at the middle. 

“I mean, it’s literally called ‘Wreck This Journal’ so…” Race pointed, holding back his excitement.

Spot’s grin became cheshire-like, his eyes shining with a danger Race wanted to dive into. 

“Well, I promise I won’t disappoint,” he smirked, going back to the first page. 

Emotion after emotion welled up within Race, a need to stay by Spot’s side as long as he could. They were turning into something that could take on the universe, big and bright as the world turned away. For the first time in a while, Race exhaled with finality and he leaned in close to Spot, their faces almost touching.

“You never do.”

* * *

Winter melted into spring and Race strolled through campus, whistling to himself. 

This school year was better than he could’ve asked for. Good friends, graduation on its way, Spot.

Race grinned to himself when he thought of Spot, their relationship turning down a path Race never would’ve guessed. He couldn’t even imagine where he’d be at had he never spared Spot a second thought. 

Now, with a bit of a hopeful future awaiting them, Race’s head was in the clouds, his smile never fading as he met his friends in the commons area. 

“What’s up, Mr. Smiley?” Blink asked as Race plopped down on a couch. 

“Mm? Good, bright sunny day. What’s there to not be smiley about?”

Blink and Mush raised their eyebrows and Race scowled. “Well if you two are going to be sour about it.”

Mush laughed a little, shaking his head. “It’s not that, Race. But we’re all loaded down with coursework and you’ve never been this happy about it.”

“Senior year, my dudes,” Race shrugged, ignoring the small thought of Spot in the back of his mind. “We’re almost done and I think that’s worth a grin or two.”

Blink and Mush gave an agreeing nod before diving back into their books, the two so pressed up on the opposite couch that Race suspected they had glued themselves together.

While he didn’t have much in terms of paperwork, Race took the time to go over his dance program. He still didn’t know which song he wanted to go with, his list overwhelming as he went over each song in his head. 

Each had their own style and story, but nothing popped out like it had at the beginning of the year. His mind had been unstoppable, yet all he could think about now was what Spot would do. What he’d pick, what he’d like. 

Sighing a little to himself, Race scratched his head and glanced over at his friends, watching as they giggled over something. Mush pointed to Blink’s paper while Blink fiddled around with Mush’s notebook. If they could do it, then so could Race and he put his stuff away, despite the fact that he hadn’t been there long at all. 

“Where are you going?” Mush’s head whipped towards Race, his face falling into disappointment.

Not wanting to admit just what he was up to, Race came up with a quick lie, hoping it would satisfy enough. 

“Forgot about my meeting with my professor. But we’re still doing dinner tonight, right?”

Both Blink and Mush smiled at him then, simultaneous thumbs up, and Race waved goodbye as he headed out to the parking lots. Just knowing that he was going to see Spot added a small hop to his steps, his grin wider than ever.

Even if the solution wasn’t with Spot, they’d figure out something else, turning Race’s dance, his life into a painting he himself couldn’t have created alone.

~

“It’s...fine.”

“I’m not looking for fine, Spot. I’m looking for...amazing, spectacular, out of this world,” Race stopped the music and drummed his fingers on his leg. 

Spot said nothing beyond his eyebrows raising and he sat up straighter on his bed. 

“Well,” Spot began as if testing his words. “I haven’t seen any of your dancing. I don’t know what I should be listening for, what’s supposed to go with which melody.”

Nodding, Race surveyed the room, the corners of his mouth twitching. It was too small for him to do his jumps, but those weren’t the details he was caring so much about. It was his transitions, what the rest of his body was doing while focused on a singular move. 

“Okay,” Race jumped up, kicking off his shoes. “There’s this one part, where I turn before…”

Giving up on explaining, Race stood in the space in front of Spot’s bed, slowly turning on one foot before curling out his arm. He flushed a little, feeling Spot’s stare on him and he dropped his pose as he cleared his throat. 

“I’ll add music.”

Choosing a song that fit well enough with the movement, Race performed the section again, adding onto it to help Spot see where he was going with his bends and twists. He paused the music and waited as Spot simply followed him with his eyes.

“What if…” Spot hesitated, his arms wrapped tight around his body. 

“Go on,” Race encouraged as excitement bubbled up inside of him. Even if it was a harsh critique, Race wanted Spot’s opinion.

“What if you started on the ground?” Spot slowly brought a hand out. “Slowly going up as you turn?”

Race blinked, thinking the action in his head before lowering himself to the floor. “Like this?” he demonstrated, starting on his back and rolling himself up into a standing position. 

He breathed out, smiling a little. That felt natural, as if it was meant to be in the piece all along. He beamed at Spot, whose face had turned a deep shade of red. Spot had a hand near his mouth, as if covering any smile that threatened to come forth . 

“I think I get it now,” Spot nodded, patting the area on the bed next to him. “Can you play the songs again?”

Race jogged over to the bedside and brought up the music, glancing at Spot before he took a seat on the bed. He could practically feel Spot’s breath on him and he tensed up as he fumbled with the music. It didn’t help that Spot chose that exact moment to prop his chin up on Race’s shoulder, but Race managed to hold onto his electronics.

“This okay?” Spot asked, his breath hot on Race’s neck.

“Y-yeah. Super okay,” Race stuttered out, the heat rushing to his face when Spot laughed under his breath. 

Starting the playlist again, Race finally dropped his shoulders, enjoying the press of Spot’s chin. Race shuffled a little closer, propping one leg up on the bed and adjusting until he could rest his head on Spot’s own. 

The music drifted between them and Race, noticing Spot’s hand, reached out to take it in his own. The two tangled their hands together, each giving a squeeze as they listened. Spot’s hand was small in Race’s own, his strength a pale comparison, but Race tried not to think about it.

In all honesty, he was more concerned what they were, where they were going, but none of the questions in his mind seemed right. If Spot was sicker than Race could see, an unmarked road lay ahead of them. It would be like losing Andrea and Race found it hard to swallow as he thought about the unpredictability of Spot’s state.

“Hey, let’s think about the music. We can talk later,” Spot spoke close to Race’s ear and Race let out a shaky breath.

Spot was right. For now, they could just listen to the melodies, work out what Race needed for his dance recital. They were perfect as they were and Race didn’t need any more of a reassurance than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got super impatient with myself again lmao
> 
> [Wumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race takes things one step further

Race was pleasantly surprised to see Spot sitting by the window when he opened the door to the room. While Spot had enough strength to move around, he had refused Race’s initial offers of going anywhere beyond the bed. Now, he seemed to be humoring Race, wrapped in a robe, his face a sullen frown. 

“You’ll scare away all the wildlife,” Race joked as he pulled a chair over and joined Spot by the window. 

“We’re looking at the parking lot, dumbass,” Spot threw back, his posture relaxing a little as Race sat next to him. 

Race let out a small hum of agreement, wondering if room changes were possible at that point. If Spot was going to do this for Race, the very least he could have is a decent view. 

“People watching is kind of fun, though,” Spot smirked, leaning forward just a little bit. “Saw an idiot walk right into a window. That was hilarious.”

Face going red, Race sunk in his seat with a huff. It wasn’t his fault the windows and entrance were exactly the same while he was looking at his phone. 

“Surprised you caught yourself just before the rose bushes,” Spot teased some more and Race rolled his eyes.

“Whoever thought it was a good idea to plant roses right at the entrance can go fuck themselves,” Race muttered and Spot laughed. 

“Damn straight.”

With his embarrassment fading away, Race sat up again, glancing between the window and Spot. The grin fading away on Spot’s face was almost picturesque, the seriousness then taking over something Race wanted to put down on paper. Instead, a slow song ran through his head, fluid movements flashing through his mind. 

“What?” Spot frowned and Race shook his head. 

He had been staring again. 

“N-nothing,” Race looked down at his hands. His mind rushed for an excuse and he blurted out the words before thinking them over. “Are you able to leave this room? Like can I take you somewhere?”

Race wanted to die right then and there, but he kept his eyes on his hands. He didn’t know what he meant by this and he hoped Spot wouldn’t take it the wrong way. 

“You asking me on a date, Racer?” Spot said, a hint of a grin on his words. 

Daring to glance up, Race was met by the most beautiful smile he had seen to date. Even if Spot was teasing him, it was good to see the emotion on his face. 

“If that’s how you wanna take it,” Race shrugged, trying to play off his heart thrumming in his chest. 

“Well, let’s call Mikey in. See what he says,” Spot winked. Pushing himself from his chair, Spot shuffled to his bed, pressing the call button. 

“Wait, what if Mush’s not–” Race went to point out until Mush burst into the room. 

“Everything okay?” Mush looked between the two, his eyes just a little fearful. 

Spot laughed, shaking his head at Mush. “We’re good, Mikey. Just wanted to ask you a question.”

Mush nodded, closing the door behind him and sparing another glance at Race.

“Just how sick am I?” Spot deadpanned. 

Blinking, Mush’s mouth opened, but he couldn’t decide what to say as he stuttered out a, “As in…?”

Spot sighed, waving Mush’s running mouth away. “Like if Race took me to a movie or something, would I die?”

Race flushed as Mush stared at him before he turned back to Spot, mulling over what Spot had just asked. 

“I mean, you should be okay for a day, but I don’t know if the hospital will just let you do that. Plus your sponsor–”

“She’ll live. Could you sneak us out?”

Race decided to cut in then, not wanting to put Mush’s internship on the line. “We’ll take this one step at at time, Spot, okay?” 

“You’re the one who asked,” Spot shrugged, taking a seat down on the bed. 

Race chewed on his lip, noticing how haggard Spot looked after standing. If Race was being honest, he wasn’t sure if Spot could handle a day out, but he wasn’t about to say so. He and Mush shared a look, Race’s stomach churning at the impending conversation.

“I’ll take you out, I promise,” Race grinned, hoping to diffuse the stiffness in the room. 

“Good, I’m counting on you, Race,” Spot smiled as he laid down on his bed. 

Race wanted to laugh at Mush’s wide eyes and guided his friend out of the room, waving to Spot. “I’ll be back.”

In the hallway, Mush looked at Race with a harsh stare that tied a knot in his stomach. Race opened his mouth to say something, but Mush grabbed his wrist leading him to a more secluded part of the floor. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mush asked, his eyebrows furrowing a little.

With a deep breath, Race figured this would happen and he looked down at Mush’s hand still on his wrist. 

“I just want him to get out for a little bit. Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s…” Mush sighed. “It’s not that. It’s great, what you’re doing with Spot. But I see it, Race. I see...where you’re going.”

Race scoffed at this, trying to tug away from Mush’s hold. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

“You’ve fallen for him.”

Race’s head snapped up, his face a myriad of emotions before he settled on confusion. “What...how...?”

Running a hand down his face, Mush struggled to keep his composure. “I know what it looks like, Race. I know what you look like when you’re in love.”

Pursing his lips, Race turned away from Mush, his face hot with shame. Their history was just that and he didn’t need it brought up now of all times. 

“I’m not saying you can’t love Spot. I just want to make sure you know what might happen. That he might–”

“–Die. I know. We’ve talked about his funeral. He wants a metal band there and everything,” Race glared at Mush. “You don’t have to baby me.”

Mush’s face dropped, his grip on Race’s wrist loosening. “I know you can take care of yourself. I just…”

Race took his wrist back from Mush only to wrap his friend up in a hug. “You worry too much, Mushy,” Race mumbled into Mush’s shoulder. 

Mush chuckled at this before returning the embrace. The two stayed as they were for a while before Race broke away first, his arms still around Mush’s waist. 

“It’s gonna suck, if...when he goes,” Race began, his voice wavering. “But, he makes me feel different. Good.”

“Does he know?” Mush asked, his fingers tapping on Race’s back. 

“I mean, sure, but that’s why I want to take him out of the hospital. Ask him to be my boyfriend properly,” Race laughed a little, despite the tears that threatened to fall. “I’m sure the hospital is the last place he wants all that to happen.”

Mush nodded his understanding, the two finally dropping their hold. “I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

Race’s eyes lit up and he practically threw himself on Mush again. He didn’t bother to hide his tears, but if they were ones of joy or sadness, he didn’t care. 

“Okay, okay,” Race wiped at his face. “I gotta let you actually work. I’ll see you tonight.” 

The two friends departed on a lighter note and Race ran back to Spot’s room, wanting to share the good news. When he got there, he skidded to a stop upon seeing Spot’s eyes closed, his breathing shallow. 

“Spot?” Race asked just above a whisper as he approached the bedside. 

Watching the rise and fall of Spot’s chest, Race felt his heartstrings tighten and he reached down, his fingers trailing along Spot’s arm. Spot stirred a little then, breaking Race’s darkened thoughts and he jumped away as Spot shifted in his sleep. He looked calm in this state, but the bags under his eyes, the stuttered breaths said more than Race wished. 

With a heavy swallow, Race mouthed his goodbye and left the room with a final look over his shoulder. His heart ached, a desire to go back consuming him, but he found the strength to head down the hall. 

They still had time. Life wouldn’t be as cruel as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> choo choo here comes the angst train 
> 
> [Tchumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Date™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (special thanks to Carbon65 for the ™ idea ghdfjksl)

“Ready to go, Mr. Conlon?” Race beamed as Spot sat down in his wheelchair. 

“If you don’t call me Mr. Conlon again. What’s with you and weird names?” Spot tugged up the hem of his - or rather, Race’s - jeans.

“You’re one to talk,” Race shot back, intrigued by how Spot rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. 

He didn’t know how well his clothes would fit Spot, but more than that, he didn’t expect Spot to try to change the entire style of them. Race was thankful Spot didn’t have any scissors or tape on him and tried to not be offended by Spot’s wordless critiques. 

“Well, at least mine are just spin-offs of your name. Not this old man formality.”

Laughing, Race pushed Spot to the elevators, the two starting to mock argue as they went down to the lobby. By the time they had gotten to Race’s car, Race had given up the fight, shoving the wheelchair into the trunk after Spot got settled in on the passenger side.

“So what’s the plan?” Spot asked, messing with the dials on Race’s radio. 

Race held back the urge to slap Spot’s hand away. If there was one rule in his car, it was no touching the radio unless Race offered. He’d allow Spot this one exception, but Race’s impulse took over as he nudged Spot’s hand to the side.

“It’s a surprise,” he winked, ignoring how Spot didn’t take too kindly to his radio privileges being taken from him. 

Raising his eyebrows, Spot leaned back in the seat as he settled on a smirk. “Can’t wait.”

Race could only shake his head with a smile as he drove them away from the hospital. Spot was really something else. From his sarcastic jabs to his rare kindness, Race found himself spinning. It wasn’t sickening, but rather enjoyable. He didn’t want to get off this ride and he hoped Spot felt the same. 

As they drove out of the city, the two talked about anything that came to their minds. Which bands would be in town next, Race’s senior dance, Spot’s future plans. 

Race fell quiet then, but they had already arrived at their destination and Race put on a bright grin. Jumping out of the car, Race helped Spot into his wheelchair, the breeze bringing with it the smell of the ocean. 

“Man, it’s been a while,” Spot commented as Race pushed him along the path.

The sun shone off the lapping waves, the sky a light blue as Race brought them to a stop. 

“You’ll just have to take a few steps into the sand but then you can sit down,” Race explained as he held out his arm for Spot to grab on to. 

Nodding, Spot took hold of Race’s arm without his usual grumbling and the two picked out an area not too far from the water’s edge. 

“That’s why you brought a blanket, huh?” Spot said as Race let go of him for just a moment.

“Just wait, there’s more,” Race grinned as Spot sat down. 

As if unable to contain himself, Spot smiled back, bringing his knees up and propping his arms on them. Parking the wheelchair close by, Race ran back to the car to grab a few more things.

With a cooler in one hand, Race jogged back to where Spot was, happy to see Spot in the same position he had left him in.

“Uh, Mush said you’re on a strict diet, but I hope this is a bit better than the hospital,” Race started as he set the cooler between them. 

“Anything’s better than the hospital,” Spot grinned, already taking the top off the cooler. “Really? I can have all this?”

Spot seemed in awe of the arrangement of food, despite it not seeming too exciting to Race. His gaping mouth made Race blush and he started digging food out to hide his reddening cheeks. 

“Yeah, I had Mush check it over before I left.”

Grabbing a sandwich, Spot began stuffing his face and Race watched him with concern. 

“Don’t choke yourself,” Race held out a hand. “I won’t be able to explain to Mush why I was the reason you died.”

Spot laughed through his mouthful of food and slowed down his chewing as a grin sprouted on Race’s face. 

Outside of the hospital, Spot was another person. Even if it was the sun, his eyes shone bright, his hair swaying with the stray breeze. For a moment, Race couldn’t help but think that maybe it was being cooped up that was making Spot sick. 

“Thanks for this,” Spot turned to Race. “I probably won’t get out again any time soon.”

There was a finality in Spot’s words and Race toyed with the half-eaten sandwich in his own hand. Setting it down, Race hopped to his feet, a singular thought taking over as he smiled at Spot’s confused expression. Race stood in front of him, holding out his hands until Spot took them in his own. 

Race’s breath hitched, a moment’s hesitation glossing over before he guided Spot to the water’s edge, helping him discard his shoes and socks. Soon enough, the two were knee deep in water, Spot tugging up the rolled up jeans as he held onto Race for stability.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. I brought extra clothes just in case,” Race waved his free hand.

Spot’s eyebrow shot up at this and Race knew his mistake as Spot let go of Race to kneel down in the water. He grinned sharply, then motioning for Race to do the same. 

“God, what am I going to do with you?” Race laughed as he followed Spot’s lead. 

Spot’s hands landed on his shoulders and Race tensed up, the water hardly a distraction at all. 

“This.”

With Spot’s lips pressing against his own, Race couldn’t think, couldn’t do much of anything besides grabbing hold of Spot’s waist. It was nothing he had imagined, yet everything he yearned for. He and Spot moved together as if their minds were in sync, Spot’s hands moving to the small of Race’s back for a moment before they found their way to his chest. Pushing Race to sit, Spot then climbed onto his lap as Race stretched his legs out on the sandy surface beneath the waves. 

Now with all his clothing soaked, Race threw everything to the wind, tugging Spot even closer as they broke for a moment. In Spot’s eyes was a familiarity, a need that Race truly understood. Taking a breath, Race brought them under the water in a searing kiss, the chill of the water unnoticed by both. Without the senses of the world above, all Race could feel was Spot. All he wanted was for them to disappear.

When Spot and Race finally came up for air, they held onto each other, bodies shaking as tears spilled from their eyes. 

“I’m not going to leave you, Race,” Spot whispered, his face burying into Race’s shoulder. “I won’t.”

“I know,” Race breathed. “We’re bigger than this, we can…” Unable to finish his sentence, Race choked back a sob and attempted to center himself with the feeling of Spot. 

Spot pulled away, taking Race’s face in his hands and they stared at each other through watery eyes. The waves wrapped around them as they remained in their position, undisturbed, more promises threatening to spill from their lips.

“We’ve only got one day here,” Spot sighed, rubbing his thumbs on Race’s cheeks. “Let’s make the most of it, yeah?”

Nodding, Race brought the two of them out of the water and back to the blanket where their passion began again. 

Savoring the touch, the warmth of each other, the day shone bright as the two spiraled into what could only be described as perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse me while i try to regain my composure
> 
> [Wumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tides change

It had been a few days since Race last saw Spot. 

The few weeks following the trip to the beach, Race had figured out a way to see Spot every day. School was catching up with him however and as much as Race appreciated that scheduled aspect of his life, he needed to graduate. 

His dance final loomed over his head, his stress driving him almost to the point of tears and it was then that he found himself on the way to the hospital. He just needed to not think about anything for a little while. 

As usual, he entered Spot’s room without a knock, Spot insisting that he didn’t need to anymore. Yet, what Race saw made him wish he did. 

A nurse was in the room, hooking Spot up to a machine and Race’s heart dropped. She glanced up from Spot, giving Race a half-hearted smile as she finalized the process, checking over Spot once more before she left. 

“Told her you were coming,” Spot’s voice came out, raspy. “She said she’d explain everything when you’re done visiting if you want.”

Taking a small breath, Race came over to Spot’s bedside, taking hold of his hand. “What’s going on, Spot?” Race whispered, his eyes watering. 

Spot smirked a little at this, his grip weak as he squeezed Race’s hand. “Gotta get a new heart. It’s kind of ironic when you think about.”

Race said nothing, bringing Spot’s hand up to his mouth and brushing his lips against his fingers. Race could feel a tear fall down his cheek, but he didn’t make a move to wipe it away.

“Hey,” Spot pushed himself up. “It’s gonna be okay, Race. Hell, maybe I’ll be able to love you even more with my new heart.”

Race tried to laugh at this, but all that came out was a small sob as he gripped onto Spot’s hand. “You’re guaranteed a heart?” he dared to ask. 

Spot looked down then, a breath leaving him. “I’m at the top of the list, but it’s not for sure. Everything’s gotta be right and they don’t have one yet.”

Not wanting to hear any more, Race pulled Spot into a hug, apologies spilling out of his mouth.

“Race,” Spot’s voice was soft, his hand carding through Race’s hair. “You got nothing to be sorry about. It’s not your fault.”

“My first thought was what I would do without you,” Race muttered. “Not how scared you are, what you must feel like.”

Spot laughed a little at this, loosening Race’s hold so he could grab onto his face with both hands. “I’m okay,” Spot reassured, looking deep into Race’s eyes. “I’m not...I–”

Spot’s voice broke, the first of his tears running down in memorized trails. “God, I’m so happy I met you...that I got to love you. Race, I’m fucking terrified, but only because I don’t want to leave you too.” 

Pressing their foreheads together, Spot and Race cried, embracing in between shuddered breaths and trailing hands. The months were not long enough, their time cut short, both wishing for the clock to turn back. 

When their tears became little more than eyes glazed over, Race crawled onto Spot’s bed, the two laying on their sides and holding onto each other. 

“I’m gonna make it through this, Race,” Spot spoke with finality. “Like hell am I going to miss your dance recital.”

Race’s first smile broke through and he kissed Spot as their hands tangled together. “I saved you a front row seat. Right next to Blink and Mush.” 

“Perfect.”

It was Spot who led their conversation away from the darkness over their heads, distracting Race with stories that blurred the line between fiction and reality. As much as Race tried to keep his thoughts at bay, all he could do was silently curse the world as he studied all of Spot’s features. 

The way he smiled, how his nose wrinkled just a little when he was deep in thought. Race wondered if this would be the last time or the first of many where he could admire all of Spot, his stomach twisting and turning with everything that had happened. 

When the nurse came back to the room, Race was tempted to stay as he was, but he didn’t want to make a ruckus. Not with Spot like this. Without a care, the two shared a kiss that held the entire world and Race didn’t look away from Spot once until the door blocked his view. 

“Will he die?” Race asked the nurse, turning from the door to look directly at her. 

“I can’t say yes or no,” the nurse shook her head. “We’re doing all we can to get him a new heart as soon as possible.”

Race expected as much of an answer, remaining silent as the nurse looked on. He didn’t want to know other details of Spot’s condition. 

With a nod, he made his way out of the hospital and sat down on the curb once outside. Digging his phone out of his pocket, Race dialed Mush’s number, his face wet with tears already. 

Upon hearing Mush’s bright hello, Race broke down, unable to say much between his sobs. 

“We’re on our way,” Mush reassured, his voice instantly calming Race down. “Stay on the line, okay, Race?”

Race nodded, then realizing Mush couldn’t see it and sighed. “Yeah. I’m here.”

The entire time Race waited for his friends, he listened to Mush’s reassurances, the optimism Mush had for Spot’s transplant. Whether it was just for his benefit or something else, Race appreciated the gesture and practically threw himself into Mush’s arms by the time Blink had parked his car in front of the hospital.

“Fuck, Mush,” Race sobbed into his friend’s shoulder. “You told me...you warned me…I should’ve...”

“Don’t,” Mush interrupted, stern and gentle. “Don’t regret everything you’ve had with Spot, Race.”

Holding Race by his shoulders, Mush tried to get Race to look at him, his eyes a fierce determination that reminded Race of their high school days. 

“He’s brought you so much happiness, think about all the good times you’ve had together,” Mush urged. “You said he makes you feel different. Would you really want to forget all of that?”

“No,” Race whispered, staring at his feet.

Mush cupped Race’s face with one hand, wiping away some of the tears as Race tried to gain some bearing. 

“I’m going to drive us back to the apartment. Blink will drive your car, okay?”

Sniffing, Race glanced up then, his eyes shifting between Blink and Mush. “But you can’t drive, Mush.”

Blink laughed a little at this and Race waited expectantly. “Mush just got his permit. We’ve been working on it.”

Race smiled then, throwing his arms around Mush. “Man, congrats, buddy.”

“Thanks. I hate it, but I can’t have the two of you driving me around forever,” Mush sighed, leading Race over to the passenger side of Blink’s car.

Handing his keys off to Blink, relief washed over Race and he eagerly climbed into the car, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep. 

“We’ll talk more when you’re ready, okay?” Mush added as he started up the engine. 

Race nodded, his eyelids already drooping and by the time Mush got them onto the road, everything went black.

~

Waking up to the sound of the TV, Race surveyed his surroundings with half-open eyes. 

As he recognized Blink and Mush’s apartment, Race was beginning to remember the day he endured and his eyes trailed, noting his legs on Blink’s lap before he gave him a nod. When he received a short wave in return, Race glanced up, greeted by Mush smiling at him, an arm draped across his chest.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

“It’s not fucking morning, is it?” Race mumbled, noting how dark the room was as he rubbed his eyes. 

“No,” Mush laughed, shifting a little and causing Race to lift his head from his lap. “It’s almost midnight.”

Race let out a sigh of relief and set his head back down, somewhat curious to Blink’s apparent disinterest in all three of their positions. 

“Wanna rub my feet, Blink?” Race teased, grinning when Blink frowned. 

“Hell no.” 

Yet, Blink made no move to push Race’s feet away from him and Race turned back to Mush. The events from earlier swarmed in his mind, questions overtaking every other thought. 

“What are his chances?” Race asked quietly. 

He saw how Mush’s eyes darted and he looked at the TV as Mush sighed. 

“You probably heard it from one of the nurses already–”

“–Yeah, but what do you think? Did you mean what you said on the phone?”

Mush looked down, his usual expressive face stiff when Race turned back to him. Race had never seen Mush like this before and a chill ran down his spine. 

“His chances are low. Hearts aren’t easy to get and there’s always another patient with higher priority.”

Race knew these words were coming, but it didn’t make them any easier to hear. He’d seen plenty on documentaries and movies. He just never imagined he’d be in the same scenarios. 

“He’s a fighter,” Blink said as he picked at the arm of the couch. 

Both Mush and Race turned to him, eyebrows raising as they waited for him to continue. Blink hardly got involved in personal discussions with the two of them, or if he did, it ended in some kind of argumentative teasing.

“Spot’s not going to let Race go that easily,” Blink stared at the two of them, as if it were obvious. “Spot will get that heart and he’ll be out of that hospital. He and Andrea will see to that.”

Race glanced at Mush, smiling at his confused expression before sitting up on the couch and adjusting so he could hug Blink. 

“I see why you guys hug so much,” Blink joked before he gave an awkward hug in return, complete with the back pat which made Race laugh. 

“Hey, I’m always here if you want one,” Race shrugged, choosing to remain in a seated position between his friends. 

Race focused back on the TV as he noticed Blink exchanging a personal stare with Mush, letting the two have a moment before jumping to his feet. 

“Do you have popcorn? I’m hungry.”

Blink and Mush grinned, getting up from the couch as well as Blink led the way. 

“Let me do the honors. I make some amazing popcorn.”

“He really does,” Mush added, wrapping his arms around Blink’s waist and giving his neck a kiss. “I’ll make cocoa.”

Race couldn’t help admire his friends as they worked seamlessly in the kitchen, each guessing the other’s action as they set to cooking. He and Spot could be like this one day, with their own apartment, their own life. It lit a fire in Race’s heart and he pushed away all other thoughts except the one that told him Spot would survive whatever came his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i'm sad
> 
> [Blue Void](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot gets to thinking and Race doesn't want to let go

Race’s words echoed in his ears, his voice trailing as he reached the end of the sentence. 

He was far from finishing the chapter, but Race didn’t want to rush through the next pages. That would mean it was time to leave Spot for the day, an uncertainty Race wasn’t ready to risk. He glanced up at Spot from the book, marking the place he stopped with his finger. In Spot’s eyes he could see a raging calm, his held breath.

“My brother loved The Princess Bride,” Spot spoke into the empty air. “We read it together all the time but after he died, I completely forgot about it.”

Glancing down at the cover, Race ran a finger along the golden words. It had just been a lucky guess when he gave Spot this book.

“Hearing you read makes it feel like he’s here,” Spot turned to Race with a gentle smile.

Race ducked his head as he blushed. “Andrea gave it to me.”

With aged understanding, Spot reached out, his fingers tracing lightly along Race’s wrist. “What a pair we are,” Spot squeezed with what little strength he had and Race glanced up through watering eyes.

He wanted to reply, say anything as Spot tried to keep the atmosphere light, undisturbed, but Race’s darker thoughts creeped up on him. Spot needed a heart and soon. For a brief moment, Race wondered if he could give his own, but he pushed that absurdity away as quickly as it had come.

“You know, you saved me.”

Race frowned at Spot, his heartstrings tugged at with Spot’s unwavering stare.

“Even if I don’t get that heart, you helped me live again. As cliche as it sounds.”

Leaning back against the pillow, Spot kept hold of Race’s wrist and Race followed, climbing onto the bed and curling into Spot.

“I gave up too soon. I mean, I was just a kid when my family died...then I was tossed around home after home until I ran.” Spot shook his head as if he couldn’t believe his own words. “Living with other homeless people was the first time I felt like I meant something. They needed me.”

Race tucked his head under Spot’s, hand running along his chest. Old questions burned in his mind, but he remained quiet.

“It was when I was trying to get medicine for a friend that I collapsed. Woke up in a jail cell with this woman staring down at me.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that,” Race quietly blurted out before shaking his head in apology.

“Fuck, that’s right,” Spot laughed a little. “I’m just telling you old news aren’t I?”

“I don’t mind,” Race squeezed Spot’s shoulder. “Always good to talk about these things.”

In fact, Race had heard several renditions of Spot’s past, certain details changing each time Spot told it. Race didn’t mind, only hoping he would have the chance to hear the complete truth some day.

“I suppose,” Spot shrugged, shoulders sagging.

“Go on,” Race urged, waiting to see where Spot was going with all of this. 

“I was lost when my sponsor placed me here.” Spot ran his hand along Race’s back, a slight tremor to his hand. “She’s just trying to look good to her rich friends. Put me in a nice school and reform me if I make it.”

“You never did anything bad though,” Race lifted his head, ignoring Spot’s last words. “You were just trying to survive.”

“If only the cops thought like you,” Spot teased before shaking his head. “My first couple months here, I was ready to walk out of the hospital and just disappear. Then, you showed up with your goofy smile and eager-to-please attitude...”

Race pursed his lips, trying to discern Spot’s expression that drifted back to the familiarity of their first days.

“You cared like no one else. I mean, Mikey was caring but it felt like he had to be. Not that I gave him much choice.”

Race smiled at this, shifting so he and Spot could lay facing each other. Spot was beautiful, even with his fading strength, his face that held the weight of the world. 

“There’s something about you, Race,” Spot breathed, cupping Race’s face with one hand. “Like stars, a whole universe wrapped up in you. I’m so lucky you chose me.”

Tears sprang up in Race’s eyes again and he caught them quickly with the shake of his head. “I’m lucky we found each other,” he spoke, voice trembling. “I just wish you could stay.”

Race sighed, guilt consuming him as he let his thoughts slip. Spot said nothing, his eyes trailing up and down Race as if he was memorizing everything. 

“I told you I was getting out of here and I will,” Spot spoke with finality. “But until then...” Spot swallowed, his eyebrows furrowing a little. 

“If I change, I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?” Race’s heart dropped, watching as Spot’s gaze turned away.

“I want to live. I want to live for you, with you, Race. But I keep thinking about my family. I feel them everywhere like...they’re ready to take me home.” 

Spot hugged Race close and Race could hear Spot’s heartbeat as he turned his head. Steady and sure, Race was almost convinced the doctors had the wrong diagnosis. 

“If I have to go, I’ll bring your love to Andrea.”

Pulling back from the embrace, Race’s face crumbled as he saw nothing but love and truth in Spot’s eyes. His tears were inconsolable and Spot’s murmured words were hardly heard above Race’s sobs.

Race’s life was upturned all over again and he wanted to tear the emptiness from his chest. Maybe then, he could accept this as Spot had.

Race didn’t know when he stopped crying nor when he had fallen asleep, but he woke to Mush shaking his shoulder, ready to take them home. Spot was awake, as if he had watched Race sleep the entire time and the two shared a kiss before Race and Mush left the room together.

“It never gets easier, does it?” Race sighed as he stared at the ceiling of the elevator. 

Mush’s reply didn’t come immediately. Not until Race met his eyes. “No.”

Race shoved his hands into his pockets, shaking his head. He wouldn’t take it back, Mush had been right with that statement, but this wasn’t fair. Spot didn’t deserve this. 

“You’ve given Spot a kind of love others never experience in their time on earth. You’ve touched each other’s lives and that’s has to be worth something.”

Race nodded, trying his best to accept Mush’s words of comfort. Indeed, he and Spot had transformed into something new. 

They were shining forever in the darkness that surrounded them and nothing, not even death, could extinguish that light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh didn't mean to name drop but i was like THIS IS THE BOOK I WAS THINKING ABOUT SO
> 
> also if you want to be even more sad just imagine Spot singing [You Gotta Die Sometime from Falsettos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7JkxuCVLjE) :)))))
> 
> [Wumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race wants the world to stop so he can get off for a moment

The hospital was too quiet when Race stepped in. There was hardly a person in sight and everything he saw appeared to be in suspension. It was as if the building was going to cave in on itself and Race rushed to the elevator, his breaths turning rapid and shallow. 

By the time he reached Spot’s room, he was ready to let all it all go, but when Spot didn’t turn right away, when there wasn’t even a hint of a smile, Race could only feel his chest tighten.

“Spot?” he ventured, taking slow, tentative steps towards the bed. 

“Hey, Race,” Spot sighed, his gaze stuck on the all-too familiar space above the bed.

Swallowing, Race made his way to the bedside, yet he didn’t rush to touch Spot. It was as if anything sudden would break the world around them and Race waited for Spot to take the lead.

Spot took his time to turn to Race, his face pale and worn. His mouth opened and closed a few times, as if there was no voice left in him, before he finally murmured weighted words that struck Race like blows to the stomach.

“What?” Race’s voice trembled, his mind refusing to believe what he just heard. 

“It’s not that I want you breaking your promise,” Spot spoke just above a whisper, a sharp breath leaving him. “But you shouldn’t have to remember this part of me.”

Race swayed a little, finding his chair quickly as he grabbed Spot’s hand. He hated how fragile it was, how Spot was growing weaker by the day. 

“Regardless of what happens, I want to remember everything,” Race shook his head. “It’s not about the best or worst, it’s about you.”

Spot sighed, his stare back on the ceiling above him. He seemed to be testing Race’s words in the space above him before he turned to Race, his eyes gentle.

“Just this one thing, Race. That’s all I ask.”

Spikes ran into Race’s heart as he battled with the path that lay before him. If this was Spot’s final days, Race wanted to be there until the end. He didn’t want to make the same mistake as before, where he hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye. 

Yet, something held him in place, where he wanted to respect Spot’s wishes. If this really was what Spot wanted, Race could understand. Not push Spot for his own selfish reasons.

“Just a few days, right?” Race swallowed down the lump in his throat, his vision going blurry. 

Spot nodded, his thumb caressing Race’s finger. “You’ve got a dance to prepare and I’m expecting it to be perfect.”

Even in these dark moments, Spot knew just what to say for a smile. Race nodded as he began to cry, his face struggling to keep the happy exterior. 

“I’ll pour my heart into it just for you,” Race leaned forward, bringing up Spot’s hand to kiss the back of it. 

“Hm, heart,” Spot laughed a little and Race let out his own small noise of amusement. 

“God, I love you,” Race blurted out. 

He couldn’t help but notice how Spot’s grip seemed to gain a little more strength and he melted under the strong gaze that held everything. 

“I love you too,” Spot smiled, his face unlike anything Race had seen before. 

Vulnerable and contemplative, Race saw all of Spot’s fears, joys, unknowns for the briefest of moments. Wanting to share in this, Race stood then so he could bring them into a proper kiss. 

If this was to be their end, Race couldn’t have asked for more, his life wrapped up in Spot’s welcoming embrace.

~

“This sucks,” Race stared out at the illuminated city below, his thoughts drifting back to Spot. 

Standing out on the balcony of Mush and Blink’s apartment, Race picked at the splintered wood and his gaze drifted to the stars as he flicked a sliver off the edge. He had told them everything, mouth going at top speed the moment he stepped in the place. 

Now, the three were outside, the sounds of the highway hovering in their silence. 

“I’ll keep checking on him. He doesn’t have a choice there,” Mush edged in. 

Blink nodded in agreement and Race tried to put on a happy exterior for his friends. All it would be was a few days, it wasn’t as if Spot was sending him across the country. Except, that was exactly what it seemed like. Even in the same city, Spot was too far away, in an artificial world that no longer was a saving grace.

“Do you remember…” Mush began, a small laugh leaving him. “The day Andrea let us combine all the juice in the fridge?”

A smile worked its way onto Race’s face and he nodded. They were in elementary school, a small idea growing into a rolling snowball and they had begged, pleased with Andrea to let them try this experiment. 

Looking back, Andrea had let them suffer longer than needed, but he brought a large pot out and the mixing began. It hadn’t tasted so bad, but it certainly was something Race didn’t need to try again. 

Blink grinned with Race and Mush before his eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, you did that last week, Mush.”

“That’s why I remembered,” Mush smirked and Race fell into laughter. 

This felt good, light and joyful compared to earlier. If only Spot was here to experience it too. 

Just like that, the aching returned and Race shook his head in apology. He couldn’t understand how either of his friends were putting up with him. Especially Mush, who wasn’t new to this. 

“Oh, Race,” Mush tugged him in for a hug and Race buried his face in Mush’s shoulder.

Blink approached as well, hugging Race from behind and the three stayed as they were as Race took slow, shaking breaths. 

“I thought I would be ready, but I’ll never be. Not with Andrea, not with Spot,” Race muttered. “God, what if I lost the both of you?”

“You won’t,” Blink said with ease. “The three of us will die on the same day, I’m sure.”

Race couldn’t fight back his smile and he lifted his head, a moment’s hesitation as he looked in Mush’s eyes before turning to Blink. 

“Love you, guys,” Race rested his head on Mush, keeping Blink in his peripheral. 

“Love you too,” Blink and Mush said at the same time and the hugs tightened. 

The pain remained but with it came a surge of warmth. At the end of it all, he had so much, memories, friendship, love. How dull his life would be without them. 

Thinking back to the beginning of the school year, Race knew he and Spot had been given a glimpse and Race only hoped they had lived it out as it should have been.

~

Sighing, Race adjusted his backpack on his shoulders as he trudged up the stairs. 

His steps were heavy, mind weighing him down. Collapsing on the stairs didn’t seem like such a bad idea, but there were other students behind him and Race didn’t need the extra hassle. 

He missed Spot. 

All he had to do was throw everything to the wind, go against Spot’s words, but then he remembered. The shine in Spot’s eyes, the haunting whispers that had left his mouth, he had asked the world of Race. 

Swallowing, Race pushed down the tears that threatened to come and forced himself to the mailroom, his last stop for the day. He gave the worker his name and tapped the counter, aching for the numbness of sleep. 

When a small package was set in front of him, Race blinked, his hands hesitant until he saw the return address. Without another word, Race ran from the mailroom, his heart jumping in his chest. 

Once in his room, Race threw his backpack to the side and tore at the wrapping, his hands trailing along a familiar item. His breath caught in his throat and he turned the journal over, seeing a small note taped to the back. 

_Mikey said to wrap this up in case the post office didn’t accept a book by itself. Whatever._

Race laughed a little at this as he held onto the finished journal, the pages thick and worn as if Spot had it for years. He flipped through the pages at first and then opened the journal at random intervals to see what Spot had done. 

Somehow Spot had managed to find dirt to rub on a page, his poked holes accidentally tore another page in half, and Race could only imagine Spot’s fight with Mush to stick the journal in the shower. 

A small smile had sprouted on Race’s face, but it paused as he saw other pages. His name - Antonio - written over and over on two pages, some scratched heavily, others written in Spot’s best handwriting. Never in his life did he imagine his name as something beautiful. Not until he saw how Spot wrote it. 

The first of his tears came as he turned a page to Spot’s anger. His words stabbed the paper, mixed with erratic cross-hatching. Race could barely make out phrases but there were just enough. Just the few.

_Fuck this._  
_Screw you._  
_GO AWAY._  
_I don’t want to die._

Race snapped the journal shut, a sob tearing itself from his body as he sank to the floor. Now more than ever, he hated himself for leaving Spot alone. Promises weren’t made to be broken, but maybe this one with Spot had to be. 

Wiping his tears away, Race checked the time. It wouldn’t be too late and even if Spot would be angry, Race couldn’t let this be their last. Pulling himself back up to his feet, Race’s fingers caught within the pages of the journal, his eye catching a flash of yellow. Unable to help himself, Race turned to the page, his heart stuttering for a moment. 

There was a picture of him pasted on the page - an old one from high school that Mush must have given to Spot - along with several bullet points as Spot recounted their past year together. As mundane as some of Race’s actions felt to himself, Spot saw them as so much more. Acts of love and kindness, moments that made him smile when Race thought he had done nothing more than anger Spot. On the other side of the page, there was a sticky note and Race took a deep breath in as he read.

_I know you’ll see this, Race. That’s why I have to ask you again. Please don’t come visit me. We’ve made so many memories together, let’s just stay where those are._

_I love you._

The tears stung again and Race felt nothing beyond the tightness in his chest. He didn’t know what to do, his heart and brain pulling him separate ways. Tugging out his phone, Race typed out a text to Mush, his resolve crumbling with every word. 

At the very least, he had to know how Spot was today. He’d do what Spot asked, he’d keep himself distracted, but only if it meant that Spot would see this through to the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all see that post that was like:
> 
> Jack: You ever want to talk about your feelings?  
> Spot: No  
> Race: I do  
> Jack: I know, Race  
> Race: I'm sad  
> Jack: I know, Race
> 
> yeah that's the mood
> 
> [Chumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions are high before everything comes to a standstill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to Carbon65 and Parks&Rec for the beginning of this chapter because all I could think of while writing this was Spot as April all like, "What are you doing??" and Mush as Ann, looking at his watch going, "3...2...1...and my shift's over! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" 
> 
> anyway

Mush stayed true to his word.

Keeping an eye on Spot in between shifts, going over his chart, Mush never did tell Race exactly what he saw but he sent reassurances when he could. At least the ones that said Spot was still alive. 

Yet, through it all, Mush couldn’t keep his own feelings out of the equation. He couldn’t imagine asking Blink to do what Spot had with Race. Mush knew Blink wouldn’t even dream of entertaining an idea like that. After Race’s text, Mush wanted nothing more to show it to Spot, to show him what he had done.

The anger stewed inside Mush as he checked over Spot’s vitals. Being on the clock, he couldn’t say what he really wanted but he could feel Spot’s eyes on him and he scribbled the last of the notes before tucking the files back in place. 

Their usual, light conversations were nowhere to be found and Mush left the room without another word. Time passed by too slowly and Mush nearly bolted to his locker once his shift was over. Heading back up to Spot’s floor, Mush took a few breaths in, hoping to control his emotions. He had to say something.

Upon reaching Spot’s room, Mush gave a solid knock before heading in and closed the door behind him with a firm click. 

“Race is downstairs, probably in his car waiting for me,” Mush spoke into the room, to what felt like no one. 

It didn’t help that Spot didn’t have a reply ready and Spot shook his head, taking his time. “What are you trying to say?”

Inhaling sharply through his nose, Mush gripped tight onto his backpack. “I think what you did is stupid. Making Race promise something like that.”

Spot turned away, his shoulders shrugging a little. Mush wasn’t finished.

“You know he’s going to break it, he’ll make his way up here. I just hope it won’t be too late by then.”

Spot took to covering his face in his hands and Mush’s anger grew. He had thought more of Spot than what he was seeing now. 

“We lost Andrea with no warning at all, you can’t let Race suffer that way with you. I know…” Mush sighed. “I know you feel like you’re staring your own death in the face. But there’s still a chance, Spot. You can’t give up so soon.”

The room was cold and Mush needed to leave before sending his entire internship out the window. 

“I had to identify them after the accident,” Spot pulled down his hands from his face. “I had to look at the dead bodies of my own fucking family. I was ten. I don’t want Race to do the same thing, not at twenty two, not fucking ever.”

Mush shivered, his words faltering for a moment. “We’d probably have your sponsor do that before Race,” he couldn’t help explain, his voice turning into a muttered haze. 

Spot’s jaw was taunt, the color drained from his face, and Mush struggled to speak again.

“She said you remind her of her son…did you know that?”

Spot remained still as he stared at the window. A storm was building in Mush’s mind, tears threatening to spill and he let his mouth run, not caring about the consequences. “She cares about you. Race obviously does...I do too...even Blink, who hasn’t even met you, he cares so much. You can’t keep pushing people away, Spot.”

Walking over to the bed, Mush blocked Spot’s view, forcing Spot to look at him. Mush wavered under the stern gaze but he held his ground.

“You aren’t getting rid of us. We’re going to be here, by your side until the very end. So, don’t yell at Race when he comes to see you.”

With a nod, Mush left without waiting for a response from Spot. He was sure Race was on edge and getting to the car was his new priority. When he finally climbed into the car, Race gave him a curious look and Mush put on a small smile.

“How is he?” Race asked and Mush couldn’t help the sigh that left him. 

“He’s stubborn. Stubborn about everything.” 

Race laughed a little and Mush glanced at his friend. “We’re a perfect couple. I’m keeping my promise, you know.”

Mush opened his mouth to argue but Race interrupted first with a quick head shake. 

“I know what you think, Mush, but this promise means the world to him. He wants this time alone and I...I don’t blame him.” While Race’s face was calm, his finger tapped the steering wheel with nervous energy and Mush counted the taps. “Just a couple more days. I can make it.”

“Can you?” Mush ventured and Race stared at him. 

“You did.”

Suddenly tired, Mush sank in his seat and waved away the rising tension. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”

Grabbing Mush’s hand, Race laced their fingers together. “I’m sorry too. I think...we just need to go home.”

Mush nodded in agreement and Race too his hand back for a moment to start the car and drive off. Their hands found each other again, the two unable to say anything beyond their small sighs. 

Mush was confused, upset, and he couldn’t tell what else. All he wanted was for Race to be by Spot’s side, for Spot to realize what he had. 

But looking at his friend, remembering Spot’s hardened gaze, Mush couldn’t help but feel that everything was hanging by a thread and there was nothing he could do to stop it from being cut in half.

~

He hadn’t meant to stay away from the hospital as long as he did. 

Even if he hadn’t been scheduled for a few days, Mush told Race he’d stop by with Blink to see Spot, but with the end of the semester and bitterness in his heart, Mush was exhausted to say the least. Now, he had to let his anger go despite how much he wanted to shake some sense into Spot. Everyone was hurting and this wasn’t something Mush could take care of with simple tricks and remedies.

Head down, Mush hurried to the locker rooms to change, trying again and again to keep out the nagging in the back of his mind. 

When he had last saw Spot, Mush had to hold back his tears, seeing his drawn-out face, his body struggling to keep him alive. Mush hadn’t wanted to leave Spot’s side, but more than that, he couldn’t bear to tell Race what he had seen when he arrived home that night. 

Race still had hope, despite the separation. He spent his time buried in his dancing, but Mush could see the layers coming off one by one. Mush tried to convince Race to see Spot, but Race was determined to stay true to his word. As if this was the last thing he needed to prove to Spot and himself.

Taking a breath, Mush found the courage to leave the locker room and he headed up to the familiar floor, the morning light just starting to pour in through the sparse array of windows. He tried to act casual as he approached Spot’s room, but with the door open and the sight of an empty bed, Mush’s stomach dropped. 

He ran to the desk, his mind wanting to scream and cry all at once. It couldn’t have happened, not as soon as this. In a trembling voice, he asked about Spot, his hands wringing in his shirt. 

“You didn’t hear? The day before yesterday...” The secretary tilted her head and her next words were the only sounds Mush heard. 

Without a response, Mush raced to the stairwell, nearly tripping as he went down level after level. He burst through a door, waving to the nurses in the hall that stared and jumping out of the way of the few scattered patients. By the time he had reached the fateful room, Mush’s chest was heaving, all his weight pressed against the door as he threw it open. 

“That entrance could’ve used a little more practice.”

Uncontrollable laughter poured from Mush, tears streaming down his face as he made his way over to Spot in the bed. Grabbing his hand, Mush gave it a squeeze before looking around frantically. 

“I gotta let Race know. I gotta let Blink know. Who do I call first?” Mush blabbered out, patting himself down for anything to call with. “God, you were just in the ICU a day ago. Wait, maybe I need to–”

“–Let go of my fucking hand first,” Spot spoke over Mush. “Man, what’s a guy gotta do to get a decent night’s sleep around here? You call Blink. I’ll take care of Race.” 

He pointed to the phone on his bedside table and Mush nodded with relief as he prepared the line for Spot. Once Spot had the phone in hand, Mush ran to the door to retrieve his own cell.

“I’ll be back in a flash,” Mush hollored over his shoulder. 

By the time he got to his belongings, Mush’s hands were shaking and he paced around as he dialed Blink’s number. As soon as Blink picked up, Mush didn’t stop the stream of words from his mouth, his tears of joy coming back like a flood. Blink’s cheer on the other end made his heart soar and the sound of Blink rushing out the door was all Mush needed before he went back to Spot’s room. 

Knocking on the door, Mush waited until he heard Spot’s muffled voice and he immediately went to bring Spot into a hug. 

“He started crying,” Spot mumbled, smiling through his tears. “I want him to be that happy always.”

“Me too,” Mush pulled back, wiping away a tear on Spot’s cheek. “Oh, shit, sorry, I–”

Spot laughed a little, waving Mush’s worries away. “It’s okay, Mikey. I’ll allow it this once.”

The nickname never failed to make Mush’s face go red and he ducked his head as he smiled. Thinking back to his first meeting with Spot, Mush never expected that in his wildest dreams, it would turn into this. Friendship, Spot and Race getting together, he almost started crying again at how far everyone had come. 

“Sorry I was a jerk to you,” Mush shook his head. “I was just...I couldn’t understand. Maybe I still don’t...”

Spot wiped away the few remaining tears and sighed. “Don’t be sorry. Getting stuck in your own head, it’s hard to pull away. Just wish Race and I had listened to you is all.”

Mush was at a loss for words, his usual reassurances holding no value here. Even at the front lines, Mush was still an outsider, still learning his way through the lives of his friends. He sat down next to Spot’s bedside, wanting to say more, but it was Spot who cleared the air, talking about simply nothing at all.

Soon enough, the door flew open again, Blink and Race barreling through and Mush jumped out of the way as Race almost threw himself onto the bed. Somehow, he managed to hug Spot without disturbing the tubes and machines, but Mush kept a careful eye as Race climbed onto the bed. 

Once everything was deemed well enough, Mush became entangled in Blink’s arms, the two sharing a kiss before they edged out of the room, leaving Spot and Race to their embraces. 

“I said I wouldn’t leave you,” Spot whispered as Race pressed their foreheads together. 

One of his hands was latched onto Race’s wrist and Race shifted so their legs were tangled, the two laying on the hospital bed. Sniffing, Race nodded his head, capturing Spot’s lips in a kiss. They stayed as they were for a few precious seconds before Race pulled away, worry creasing his face. 

“I...shouldn’t have jumped on you like that. Man, your doctor’s going to kill me.” 

“Eh, we’ll all live,” Spot ran his fingers along Race’s forearm. “Besides, I would’ve been a little offended if you hadn’t leapt onto me.”

Race laughed quietly, the two resting their heads on the singular pillow. All they could do was stare at each other, soaking in every touch shared between them. 

“I’m sorry I sent you away,” Spot began, his eyes downcast. “I really thought that was going to be it and the way you stayed so hopeful, I didn’t want that taken from you.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Race cupped Spot’s cheek. “I...I understand. When I was thinking about it, I realized I did something like that to Mush after Andrea died. It’s...we just don’t want that person seeing us...” Race trailed off then, unsure of how to say what he could see so clearly in his mind. 

“Looking at us like we’re strangers,” Spot supplied and Race let out a small breath. 

“Yeah.”

Both went silent, their thoughts swarming between them until Spot curled into Race, tucking his head under Race’s chin. With a small smile, Race wrapped an arm around Spot’s shoulder and the two breathed together, hearts beating in time. 

What was to come, they didn’t even spare a thought for, choosing instead to fade into each other for as long as they were allowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know there's probably a lot of medical inaccuracies don't @ me pls
> 
> [Tingle](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race's dance recital is here

“Man, you’re terrible at steering,” Spot muttered as his wheelchair bumped against the aisle.

The auditorium wasn’t even filled, bright lights still illuminating the seats, so what Blink was avoiding, Spot had no idea. 

“It’s not as easy as it looks, you know,” Blink scowled. “And hey, you got arms.”

“You’re the one who insisted on pushing me!” Spot shot back and it was then Mush hit the two on the back of the head with the programs. 

“We’re in public, guys. I know subtlety is lost on the both of you, but please. For Race.” Met with raised eyebrows, Mush’s face flushed and he frowned at his companions. “What?”

Both Blink and Spot shrugged together and Spot motioned at Blink. 

“I love it when you get feisty,” Blink grinned at Mush, but before Mush could respond, Spot was quick to interrupt. 

“Good God. I do not need to be a part of this conversation,” he rubbed his temple and got a small shove from Blink. 

“Says the guy who had to let the whole restaurant know that Race a ‘hot piece of ass’,” Blink retorted, parking Spot’s wheelchair unceremoniously next to a front row seat. 

Spot scoffed as he climbed into the seat and glared at Blink as he folded the wheelchair up. “Yeah, but I wasn’t about to jump his bones–”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Mush clapped a hand down on Spot’s mouth and passed on a warning stare to Blink. 

Peeling Mush’s fingers away from his mouth, Spot scowled, but said nothing more as Mush and Blink sat next to him. 

“Race’s recital remember?” Mush looked over at Spot on his left and Blink on his right. 

The two nodded with matching sighs and Mush, content with this response, handed them their programs. If anything, Spot and Blink were preparing Mush for the day he would become a father. Kids with Blink would really be something, but maybe by then, the two of them would be ready for the challenge. 

“Huh, he really chose that song,” Spot commented as he looked over the program.

Mush could see the hint of a smile and he looked at the title, asking with his eyes. 

“I just...” Spot blushed, taking sudden interest in his hand. “He couldn’t decide between songs and he played a bunch of them for me at the hospital and...”

Spot looked as if he wanted Mush to figure out the rest for himself and Mush grinned. 

“If I’m being honest, you influenced this entire recital, Spot.”

Mush froze under Spot’s gaze, still not used to its intensity, but he kept his cheerful exterior until Spot looked at the stage. 

“Hm.”

Mush wanted to laugh at this, but he had heard plenty from Race about Spot’s facade. Nudging Blink, Mush started an entirely different conversation with him, hoping this would put Spot at ease. 

Eventually, the three fell into easy conversation as the auditorium began to fill up. Mush was kind enough to point out Race’s family further down in the front row. A friendly wave was passed, a shared nod to the saved empty seat, and then there was the staredown between Spot and Race’s little sister. 

“She’s judging me,” Spot mumbled, snapping his head away first and a small laugh left Mush. 

“She’s like that with everyone,” Mush reassured. “She’s kinda like you. Refused to talk to me for the longest time.”

Spot grunted, sinking into his seat. “Fantastic.”

Mush wanted to say more but it was then the lights dimmed and Spot rushed to sit up straight. Mush bit on his lip if only to keep his smile from getting any bigger, unable to stop his glances at Spot as he focused on the stage. 

The music began and the curtain drew back as Race began with a slow turn, arm sweeping out. Compared to what Mush had seen in practice, it was an entire new performance. Moves he’d never seen Race do before, a fluidity as if he were the music. To say it was perfect would surely be an understatement. 

Sparing another glance at Spot, Mush’s heart skipped a beat at the soulful gaze, the small smile gracing Spot’s face. There was a certain magic shared with this dance as if it was only meant for the two of them. Mush found no fault in that, turning back to watch Race as the music rose. Spot and Race had overcome so much, beating obstacle after obstacle as their lives melded together. 

If Mush stared enough, he was sure he would be able to see Race’s dancing reflected in Spot’s eyes. Spot’s hands wrung together as Race twisted into unexpected slides, high leaps, the sharp notes of the music adding to this intensity as if Race were a storm. 

When the music finally slowed down, Race’s chest rose and fell in time with Spot’s and with his final step, Race flashed a grin, a grandiose ending note. The audience rose to their feet, clapping, cheering wildly and Mush helped Spot up, a brief smile shared with Race before Spot and Race took to seeing only each other. 

Race didn’t stop the tears that fell from his eyes, the auditorium fading away into nothing more than feelings. Relief and pride, bittersweet happiness, all of it coursed through him and he let out a heavy breath as Spot gave a singular nod. Jumping off the stage, Race ran to Spot, the two hugging as Race sobbed into Spot’s shoulder. 

He had done it. Spot had done it. They were here now, the world having tested them every step of the way. Pulling away, Race managed a smile through his tears as Spot pressed their foreheads together. 

“He’s so proud of you,” Spot said just loud enough for Race to catch over the crowd and Race nodded, lower lip wobbling.

With watery eyes, Spot leaned in and the two shared a small kiss before everyone, Mush, Blink, and Race’s family came over with their own embraces. Never before had Race’s heart felt this light as he stared at those around him, washed over in love and joy. 

Siena jumped onto Race, hugging him around the neck before turning to Spot, her stare turning into the faintest of smiles. Race could see Andrea in her expression, sense his strength in their parents and Race, well, he hoped he had something from his brother. 

For now, everything was beautiful and Race didn’t want to be anywhere else than here with the ones he loved right by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh if you wanna know what Race's dance looked/sounded like (and perchance what he and Spot might learn together once Spot is healthy again) check out [THIS SONG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4B2JfQ2iiM)
> 
> ahhh i can't believe it's over ;v; thank you everyone who read this story to completion, who left such wonderful comments, and to my amazing beta, seaofolives!! This couldn't have been possible without any of you and i am so grateful to have been able to share this with such awesome ppl as yourselves <33
> 
> i'll see you in the next story i suppose!!! i might be posting a poll on tumblr of what to do next ye
> 
>  
> 
> [Wumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


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